As you get older, it becomes only natural for you to want to move out of your parent’s house and be on your own. This is a pretty big decision, and you will have to figure out how to tell your parents you want to move out from pretty early on.
This way, they don’t feel blindsided, and they can even give you good advice about looking for a place.
There are different ways to tell your parents that you are planning on moving out, but we need to touch on what you need to consider before even figuring out how to tell your parents you want to move out. These aspects include the following:
How to tell your parents you want to move out: Five Key Things to Consider
01Your relationship with your parents:
If you have a good, healthy relationship with your parents, then the chances are that they will be supportive and give you advice about moving out.
However, if they are overprotective or if there is some sort of friction between you and them, then they may try to sabotage you in some way or feel offended when you tell them. In the worst case, they kick you out before you have finalized all of your plans.
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02Their relationship with your partner/friend:
If your parents do not like or trust your partner/friend, there’s a huge chance that they may object to the two of you moving in together (if that’s the reason).
03Your financial stability:
Having your own home or apartment is a huge financial responsibility.
Not only will you have to start paying rent, but you’ll also have to keep up with all your bills such as gas, electrical, internet, cable, phone bills, and groceries.
If you need a car, you’ll likely have to pay for the insurance and car payments on top of all the other expenses.
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04Their emotions about it:
Having a child who will leave the nest is a tough thing for most parents to handle, unless you are over 25 years old when you leave. They may even feel like it is their fault, especially if you leave at a very young age.
It’s your responsibility to ask them how they feel about it and to address their concerns before making the move.
You’ll want to emphasize that you will visit often, and they will always be welcome at your new place. You can try to make them feel better about the situation.
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05The right time and place:
When and where you tell your parents about your plan to move out will likely have an impact on how they react.
Choosing to tell them after an argument is a poor way to go about it because it can hurt their feelings, or it can push them to say something that they don’t really mean.
Telling them in a public place can hinder their ability to ask the tough questions and express their true feelings about the news.
Five ways on how to tell your parents you want to move out to live on your own
When you plan to live on your own, it is only natural for your parents to be concerned about how you will manage, even if you have a great job and can handle the financial responsibility.
Here are five ways on how to tell your parents you want to move out and live on your own:
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01Show them pictures and videos of places you’ve looked at/visited:
If you have already found some great places and have spoken to landlords/property managers about the premises, the best way on how to tell your parents you want to move out is by presenting them with your findings.
This is a great way to go about it because it shows that you are taking it very seriously, and you are taking the necessary steps to obtain proper housing.
Presenting them with options will also make them feel like they are a part of the decision process; they can give their input on which house/apartment could be good for you.
Here’s an example of how you can initiate the conversation:
“Hey guys, I’ve spent the past few weeks meeting with realtors and property managers who have shown me some pretty great apartments. I’d love it if you guys could help me pick the perfect one.”
If your parents are overprotective or if you’re just unsure about how they will react to news, you can ask them about it theoretically. You can also try to hint at it and wait for their response.
This way, you will not have to deal with the immediate backlash, and you can operate accordingly.
For instance, if they have a somewhat negative reaction, you can choose to exclude them from viewing places with you. This is important if you think that they will only bring negative energy.
However, if they have a positive reaction, you can let them know, there and then, that you plan to move out.
“My room would make a pretty good home gym, huh? I bet you guys can’t wait for me to move out.”
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03Get a job/go to a school far away:
Another way to tell your parents that you want to move out is by applying for a job or going to a school far away. By doing so, your intentions would be obvious that you want to leave your home, especially if the commute is very long.
This way, your parents are likely to accept the idea of you moving out. If not, you can initiate the conversation.
This is a good way to do it if you feel stifled at home; it won’t seem like you’re trying to get away from them. It will seem as though you are simply looking for a good opportunity, and you are trying to build a good future for yourself.
“Hey, I just got a call back from the recruiting office at ABC corporation, and they said that they’d like me to start ASAP!
It’s three hours away, so I’d have to get my own place. I’ll come back as often as I can to spend time with you guys!”
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04Sit them down and tell them honestly:
Sometimes in life, you have to approach a situation directly and head-on. This may be one of these moments, especially if you have overprotective parents.
The best way to speak to them, and to show some level of maturity, is by being honest. You need to let them know exactly what you want.
You can express why you want to move out, give them details about your plan, and ask any questions that you have about the entire process.
You want to be clear that this isn’t a request; You don’t want to let them talk over you or try to manipulate you into changing your mind. You must be firm about your news and in your approach.
“I wanted to let you guys know that I intend on moving out on July 31st. I found a studio in the city that I absolutely love. It will be good for me to be independent.”
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05Tell your parents separately:
If you feel like you can’t face both parents together because they will tag team against you, or one will influence the other’s feelings, then why not tell them separately?
This is a good idea if one is less strict, and one parent can help you convince the other.
When you tell one parent, you will have to tell the other shortly after; it will likely come up in discussions between them and you. You would not want the other parent to feel like you are keeping secrets from him/her. This is how you can approach the more lenient parent:
“I wanted to let you know before I told Mom/Dad that I’ve been apartment hunting, and I found some pretty great options. I told you first because I thought you might understand better than Mom/Dad.
Please help me break it to him/her. At least, help me stall until I’ve figured out how to tell him/her BEFORE you guys discuss it.”
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Three ways on how to tell your parents you want to move out to live with a partner/friend
Choosing to move out and live with someone else can be a bit concerning for your parents.
Sure, you wouldn’t be on your own, but living with the wrong person can be a potential headache or cause for stress when it comes to paying rent, being clean, being too loud, or other unpleasant characteristics.
It is your job to reassure them. Here are three ways on how to tell your parents you want to move out to live with a partner/friend:
06Schedule a meeting with everyone:
A good way to let your parents know that you plan to move in with a partner/friend is by scheduling a meeting/get together with all parties involved.
So, if you plan to move in with your two best friends, you can invite them over so that you can speak to your parents altogether.
If you plan to move in with your boyfriend/girlfriend, you may even ask his/her parents to come along so that it becomes a family discussion.
Your parents can ask all of the questions they have about your partner/friend, and your partner/friend will be given the opportunity to put their concerns to rest.
It is a good idea to invite other parents because each side will feel more comfortable knowing the other set of parents is on board.
“Darnel and I have some great news to tell you guys!
No, we’re not pregnant, but we’ve decided to take the next step in our relationship by moving in together. Isn’t that exciting?”
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07Sleep outside of your home often:
Sleeping at your partner’s/friend’s house is a good way to give your parents the hint that you want to move out.
By spending a lot of time with the person with whom you plan to live, it will give your parents an indication that you have a very close relationship.
You may even allow your partner/friend to sleepover at your house to give your parents a chance to interact with him/her more before you deliver the news about moving out together.
By the time you are ready to reveal your intentions, your parents will have had the chance to judge your partner or become more comfortable with him/her.
Here’s how you can reveal your plans:
“So, you know Jeff and I have been staying at each other’s houses often right? Well, we thought it would be a good idea to get out of your hair and find a place for ourselves.”
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08Start to pack huge bags:
If you have tons of sleepovers, you can start to pack larger bags than usual. You can take things that you wouldn’t normally bring, like your laptop, extra pairs of shoes, and a lot of clothes. Most importantly, you won’t bring them back.
Over time, your parents will notice that a lot of your items are missing, and they may ask you about it. Even if they do not ask, you should reveal to them your plans if you believe they already suspect something:
“Oh yeah, I just thought it would be easier if I had most of my stuff at Josh’s anyway; it’s also because I’m planning to move into his house next month.”
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Two ways on how to tell them when you aren’t on good terms with them
If you have a strained relationship with your parents, they may either be overjoyed at you wanting to move out or feel angry about your decision.
Either way, here are two ways on how to tell your parents you want to move out when you aren’t on good terms with them:
09Write them a letter:
If you are afraid of facing your parents and telling them about your decision, you could always write them a letter that they read on their own privately.
This way, they can let out all of their emotions behind closed doors, and they may be settled by the time they are ready to talk to you.
Here’s a sample letter that you can send to your parents:
“Hi mom and dad, I know things haven’t really been great between us lately. We butt heads every single day and argue way too much.
I think it would be better for all of us if I got my own place while we work out our differences. I still love you guys because, at the end of the day, you are still my parents. However, this is a very toxic environment for me, and I am not happy here.
I hope you guys can understand.”
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10Ask a sibling for help:
Siblings are very useful, especially when it comes to easing the brunt of a parent’s wrath or helping to diffuse a situation.
If your sibling is the favorite or can stand up for you against your parents, he/she may be the perfect person to help you break the news about moving out.
He/she can either tell them for you or be present when you tell your parents. This is one way you can do it:
“Mom, I’ve spoken to Gregory about it, and he thinks it’s a good idea too.
I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be moving out at the end of next month; I’ll be moving into a new apartment at the edge of town.”
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Lastly
Now that you figured out how to tell your parents that you want to move out, you can go ahead and finalize other aspects of your plans. Good luck!
