Nothing is wrong with saying you need more attention when it comes to your boyfriend or husband. Everyone gets a little lonely or feels neglected at times.
The problem comes from how to tell him you need more attention. No one wants to sound needy or come off as clingy.
After this article, you’ll be equipped with nine ways on how to tell him you need more attention, and afterwards, he’ll be all over you!
Before we talk about how to tell him you need more attention, you need to keep some things in mind. Here’s a quick synopsis of what we mean.
How to tell him you need more attention: Key things to bear in mind
The first part of knowing how to tell him you need more attention is about paying attention to certain factors. These factors will help you to determine the way in which you ask and how it will be received.
The following are the most important factors to consider:
01How long you’ve been together
Sometimes, the way he behaves in the relationship has a lot to do with how long you’ve been together. In a newer relationship, when things are fresh, you’ll want to spend every waking moment of every day with each other.
As time goes by, you’ll each start to do your own thing, and it isn’t uncommon for a partner to feel neglected because the other becomes busy with his/her projects.
If the relationship is new, certain approaches may be too overbearing, such as hosting a dinner with your parents or hanging out with all of your friends. Perhaps, a more intimate approach would be better, like a lunch date or an evening of “Netflix and chill.”
If you’ve been together a long time, then what you need to do is put some spark back into the relationship. You can try to sign up for a class together or even say it to him directly because you’ve already passed all of the young relationship jitters.
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02His responsibilities
If you’re with a man whose work or personal life comes with a lot of responsibility, you can expect to have him share his time with you. This might not be noticeable if you’re equally as busy as him, but if you have a lot of extra time on your hands, it will be easy to feel like you aren’t a priority in his life.
Before you bring it up, analyze what is happening in his life. He may be going through a phase in which he will need your support and understanding for a certain period of time.
If it is a case where he takes up unnecessary responsibility and volunteers to do things that he has no business doing, it might be a red flag because he’s choosing to do things that don’t include you.
If he has a busy life, you don’t want to ask him to drop everything at once. Instead, you can try to work your way into his schedule by dropping by the office to give him lunch or giving him a sensual massage before he goes to bed.
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03His personality
If your boyfriend is an introvert or naturally shy, he may not appreciate a conflict upfront. He may not be as outgoing as you are, and he would likely appreciate some time and space.
If he’s an extrovert, there may be a reason that he isn’t spending as much time with you. You can take a few moments to think about it… You can ask yourself: is he worried about anything? Has he suffered a loss? Did you guys have a bad argument recently that could still be on his mind?
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How to tell him you need more attention: When he’s busy with work/school
When he’s busy with work/school, you need to be more careful about how to tell him you need more attention. After all, it is important that you give him time and space for his activities. You should be supportive of him furthering himself in terms of his career or education.
Here are three ways on how to tell him you need more attention when he’s busy with work/school:
01Compliment his affection/attention
When your partner shows you some affection and attention, you can return the gesture with a compliment, no matter how small it is. It could be something as small as making his coffee or sharing a meme with him.
By doing this, it will show him how much you appreciate the little things, even though he might not be able to be there with you all the time. When you do this, you’ll be guaranteed to have him to yourself the next time he has free time.
You can say something like,
“Thanks for the burrito babe, it’s my favorite.” Or, you can say, “Wow, this really made my day!”
It won’t sound even the slightest bit needy because you aren’t actively seeking attention. This approach is low-key, and it is likely going to boost his mood. In general, men love being appreciated (as do women).
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02Plan a date
If it doesn’t seem like he’ll step up anytime soon and take you out, why not plan a date for both of you? It doesn’t have to be over the top or expensive either.
You can try to work this date into his busy schedule. A good idea is a lunch date.
He should have time to eat right? You can make it a short meeting of 20 minutes at your favorite bistro or café, and it can make all the difference. In that short time, you can catch each other up on what has been happening.
You can also plan a date for the weekend or after work/school. If the date is going to be on a work/school night, you don’t want to plan something that will cause him to stay up late and jeopardize his sleep.
He’ll need that energy in the morning. The weekend is always a better time because he’ll probably be less busy, and he can spare an hour or two of his time to spend with his partner. When asking him to go on a date with you, you can do it in a way that lets him know you’re aware that he has a lot to do, and you want to ease his stress a bit.
“Hey busy bee, want to recharge your batteries by getting some coffee from the café on 22nd treat with me? Lunch is on me!”
“I’m so glad show time got changed to 8 p.m. instead of 6 p.m. This way, we can go together, especially because I already got us tickets!”
This will work, and it won’t sound needy because these are moments that will benefit him too. They won’t interfere with his schedule either, so he’s more likely to say “yes” to you.
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03Sign up for workout classes
If he’s a guy with a busy schedule, you can find a way to be a part of his schedule. You can do this by signing you both up for a workout class.
Workout classes are usually fun, especially the ones that involve some type of dancing. It’s a great way to keep your bodies in shape and spend time together. You can present it to him in this way:
“We need to take our health more seriously. I signed us up for Zumba on Tuesdays and Thursdays at 7 p.m.”
It won’t seem needy because there’s a bigger purpose behind it, and it’s much greater than you simply missing your favorite show. It is mutually beneficial, and you get to use your time together wisely.
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When it’s after an argument
Pride and ego often come into play during an argument, and your relationship can feel very cold after an argument. When you start to miss him, you can use any of these three ways on how to tell him you need more attention:
04Flirt with him
This is when you should use your feminine powers for good and a little evil too. You can flirt with him a little by maintaining eye contact and not saying a word. You can also get a little touchy-feely by brushing up against him when you pass him. You can try touching his fingers when he hands you something or giving him a big hug.
If you want to kick things up a notch, you can also choose to slip into some lingerie, the ones you know he likes. Then, you can walk around the house in your special outfit. That’s sure to get his attention!
If you don’t live with him, you’ll have to do some flirting via text. You can try sending him a suggestive picture with captions like,
“I wish you were here” or “thinking about you.”
These messages are sure to make any man get over any grudge. He may start coming up with ways to spend more time with you.
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05Give him more attention
If he’s stonewalling you, you can get his attention by giving him attention. You can do this by starting a conversation with him once he has settled down.
You can ask about his day, or you can ask if he needs anything. You can get the ball rolling with something as simple as
“Do you need some help with that?” or “how was work?”
If you see him sitting down, you can ask him to help you with something, like opening a jar or moving a box. If he’s doing something, you can offer a suggestion or help him out if he needs it.
By doing this, he’ll start to lighten up a bit. He may start to match your efforts and give you more attention as well. This won’t come off as needy because you’re being the bigger person and extending “the olive branch” to him.
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06Sit and talk
If you want more attention, you can get him to stop with the phrase, “we need to talk.” It works every time, and you won’t come off as needy.
You’ll need to find the right time to sit him down, for example, when he isn’t busy. You’ll want to choose a moment when you’ve both cooled off from the argument. Some space is always good, but too much space can be dangerous.
When you sit with him, you need to have all of your thoughts together and be ready with your talking points. You can clear the air regarding the argument by apologizing or discussing it with him. Then, you can start explaining to him how the argument may have been caused by the fact that you miss him.
Being open and honest is the foundation of any great relationship, and if you can’t come forward and say that to him without fear, you may have more to worry about than one argument or the temporary silent treatment.
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How to tell him you need more attention: When he goes out with friends often
There’s nothing wrong with going out with other people, but your partner needs to remember that you have needs too! Here are two ways on how to tell him you need more attention when he goes out with friends more often than you’d like.
07Silent treatment
Guys hate being ignored. They love when we are there to coddle them and fawn over them. Sometimes, they forget that we need the affection and attention to be reciprocated.
So, you can stop spoiling him until he realizes what he’s doing wrong. The silent treatment has been used by women for years, and it hasn’t failed yet.
At some point, he’ll realize that something is wrong and will ask about it. Then, and only then, you can reveal the reason behind it, or you can maybe let him suffer a little while longer.
With this approach, you’ll need to be careful because any word, tone, or action presently incorrectly could lead to an argument or even worse a breakup. A breakup would be the opposite of what you want in this scenario.
You don’t want to be malicious or petty with your response to him. Instead, you can choose to guilt trip him into understanding so that he feels bad about not including you.
“I just thought that maybe you’d prefer if I left you alone.” Or, you can say, “Oh, I didn’t know you wanted me around.”
This is a good approach because it gives him time to think about his actions without you having to tell him how it affects you.
If he can’t figure it out, he’ll see how affected you are. He may become more willing to talk to you in hopes of working it out.
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08Plan things with other people
If he can go out with others and not include you, then two can play at that game. You can make big plans with other people and choose to not invite him.
You can mention it to him in conversation, for example, when you’re talking about your day or while you’re getting ready to go out.
Here are some sample phrases that you can use:
During conversation:
“I spent the weekend with Gina and her family at their beach house. I had a blast.”
While getting ready:
“Oh, I didn’t mention it? My bad, but I’m heading out with a couple of friends from work to see the new [insert name] movie.”
You won’t seem needy. In fact, you’ll appear independent. He might get a little jealous and ask you to spend more time with him.
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09Tag along
If the invitation is open and you’re just pouty because you wanted him all to yourself, you should stop being a baby and make use of the opportunity that’s in front of you. Now, this is not you “settling,” but it’s merely taking advantage of the situation.
You can say something like:
“Give me a few minutes to get ready. I haven’t seen the gang in a while!” Or, you can say, “Should I wear my denim jacket or my purple jacket tonight?”
You can show that you’re interested and excited about going out.
When tagging along with his friends to the movies, a bar, or wherever they go, you can choose to dress up very nicely. You can do your hair in a nice style, and you can put on some sexy clothes. You can even wear your best perfume.
You will want to make yourself irresistible to him so that his focus will be on you the entire time. While out at the bar or movie theater, you can make tons of eye contact and be all touchy-feely with him. If the chance presents itself, you can try to get him alone for a few minutes.
An example of a perfect opportunity would be at a cookout or barbecue because it’s where you could volunteer yourself and your partner to get some things from the kitchen. At the movies, you could volunteer to get the popcorn for the gang while they find seats for everyone.
This is a good idea because you are involving both of you and doing things for the benefit of the group. This way, it won’t seem needy.
You’ll want to be sure to engage others in dialogue so that he realizes how well you are getting along with his friends. It will show that you aren’t jealous of his friendships with other people, especially if he has female friends in the group.
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Lastly
If one method doesn’t work, you can always try another because you have plenty of different ways on how to tell him you need more attention without sounding needy thanks to this article.
You’ll want to bear the key points in mind too. Soon enough, you’ll be trying to find ways to get rid of him!
