Life can be complicated, difficult, and hard. That’s why laughter is such a key component to staying sane and happy.
You can see the humor in your misery, and be able to move on to a happier place. Feel a little joy by reading some of these funny quotes about life that are bound to have you rolling on the floor in laughter.
1“I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.”
– Al Pacino
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2“If only common sense were more common, then the world would be filled with more geniuses.”
3“You have to be odd to be number one.”
– Dr. Suess
4“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
– Albert Einstein
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5“I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity.”
– Albert Einstein
7“I am not arguing or stressing, I am simply explaining, why… I am right.”
– Anon
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8“Don’t trust everything you see in life because even ketchup looks like hot sauce sometimes.”
9“It’s crazy to think I haven’t gone insane by now.”
10“Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes can change your life.”
– Anon
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11“I’ve learned in life that it’s better to be a bear, that way you get to hibernate all winter.”
12“I’ve grown up enough to know that growing up sucks.”
13“After I’m dead I’d rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one.”
– Cato the Elder
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14“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell … the name will carry.”
– Bill Cosby
15“If life gives you lemons make some kind of fruity juice.”
– Conan O’Brien
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16“My favorite way to cook eggs is inside a delicious dessert.”
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17“If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.”
– Henny Youngman
18“If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.”
– Sam Levenson
19“I really don’t think I need buns of steel. I’d be happy just with buns of cinnamon.”
– Ellen Degeneres
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20“I don’t at all like knowing what people say of me behind my back. It makes me far too conceited.”
– Oscar Wilde
21“Whenever I open my wallet, my dollar bills try to run away.”
22“Sometimes the grass is greener on the other side because it’s fake.”
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23“Sometimes I wish I could just pause my job, and come back later when I felt like finishing it up.”
24“Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.”
– Lily Tomlin
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26“Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives.”
– William Dement
27“There’s nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won’t cure.”
– Jack E. Leonard
28“In life, you must never underestimate the power of the eyebrow.”
– Jack Black
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29“The people who wonder if the glass is half empty or half full are missing the point. The glass is refillable.”
30“Time has to be so lonely, he keeps killing off all his friends.”
31“Life is called karma, and it’s spelled got-cha.”
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32“You can’t undo yesterday, you can work on today, tomorrow, you will wonder how you screwed up 2 days in a row.”
– Eddie Long
33“You’re not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on..”
– Dean Martin
34“Life is short, laugh while your lungs still work.”
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35“Inflation is when you pay 15 dollars for the 10 dollar haircut you used to get for 5 dollars when you had hair.”
– Sam Ewing
36“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.”
– Mark Twain
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38“I rank my friends like I rate my favorite candy flavors. I’d prefer the cherry but the lemon will do just fine.”
39“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”
– Elbert Hubbard
40“I’m not lazy, I just like to live my life horizontally.”
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41“If you are feeling lonely, dim the lights and turn on a horror flick. Suddenly, you won’t be feeling lonely anymore.”
42“You know you’re lazy when you’re excited about doing absolutely nothing.”
43“I’m not running away from hard work. I’m too lazy to run.”
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44“The only reason we say that the best things in life are free is because everything else in life is too unaffordable.”
45“I am not afraid of death, I just don’t want to be there when it happens.”
– Woody Allen
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46“Why learn a new language. My mom told me never to talk to strangers.”
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47“When something goes wrong in your life, just yell into a huge crowd, and pretend that everyone else has the problem.”
48“Yes, of course I am an athlete. I surf the television channels every day.”
49“Dear Life, I know you’re not fair. So, you can stop teaching me that lesson now.”
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50“I hate when people say ‘Nice to meet you’ before I’ve said anything. How do you know it’s nice to meet me? I’m an asshole!”
– Jack Nickelson
51“If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get slapped in the face a lot.”
52“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?”
– Lily Tomlin
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53“Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.”
– Melanie White
54“Yesterday I did nothing. And today I’m finishing up what I started yesterday.”
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56“When I was small I thought all the money and fame in the world would bring me happiness. Now that I’ve grown up, I know that I was right.”
57“If life gives me lemons, I’m going to thank the sky for giving me free fruit.”
58“Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.”
– Miles Kinfton
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59“Why do people say ‘grow some balls’? Balls are weak and sensitive! If you really wanna get tough, grow a vagina! Those things take a pounding!”
– Betty White
60“If you think about your past, someone’s therapist is diagnosing you right now.”
61“I’m sorry I act like a monster, but you’re blocking my morning coffee.”
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62“I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.”
– Elayne Boosler
63“If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
– Johnny Carson
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65“I’m old enough to know this won’t turn out well, but young enough to do it anyways.”
66“A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s, she changes it more often.”
– Oliver Herford
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67“To thrive in life you need three bones: a wish bone, a back bone, and a funny bone.”
– Reba McEntire
68“I enjoy long romantic talks to my television.”
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69“I wish I could trade my heart for another liver so I could drink more and care less.”
– Tina Fey
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71“The right to be able to speak one’s mind does not include the right for me to listen”
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73“Opportunity is missed by most because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.”
– Thomas Alva Edison
74“The divorce rate between my socks are at a new sky high!”
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75“My room is like the movie Twister, I came into it and everything turned into a mess.”
76“You can basically say anything in an e-mail, text, or letter as long as you put lol at the end”
– Tracy Morgan
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77“If you’re offending by my description of you, take notes on how to not be a douchebag.”
78“Only when the tide goes out do you realize who’s been swimming naked.”
– Warren Buffet
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79“We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth others are here for I don’t know”
– W. H. Auden
80“Being old and wise is a bit too much for me. I think I’ll go back to being young and stupid.”
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