Dealing with betrayal from someone you trusted really hurts. What’s even more frustrating is figuring out what to say to someone who betrayed you because of how much emotion is involved.
Getting the right words out is very tough and you might end up lashing out in an ugly way. In figuring out what to say, you might feel the urge to yell and curse, or even get in a fight with someone who betrayed you.
It’s important that you try to pull it together. Fighting fire with fire with someone who betrayed you will only end up with the both of you getting hurt.
Instead, let this guide you on what to say and help you determine the most appropriate course of action in this situation. It is a rough time and you will need help.
This is what you need to know about what to say to someone who betrayed you and more:
What is betrayal?
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Betrayal, whether in a relationship or friendship, is where the offender breaks the trust or the expectations of the bond in some way.
The simplest example would be in a romantic relationship where one person cheats on the other with an outsider. Another simple example could be a best friend turning their back on a friend in need.
In reality, betrayal can be more complicated and can vary depending on the nature of the relationship. For instance, what might be understood by one couple as an act of treachery may not seem so to another, perhaps because of different values and upbringing.
A couple may have a falling out because a partner gives more time to platonic friendships than his/her romantic relationship. Another example of an act of betrayal could be one person sharing something told in confidence by one party to another.
Betrayal may also be more sinister in the form of stealing or even physical abuse. No matter what the situation, you’ll learn what to say to someone who betrayed you.
Why do people betray friends?
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People betray friends for three main reasons: ambition, lust(greed) or jealousy. If it is ambition, the fake friend befriends the other to use as a pawn or stepping stone for their own self-interest. The reasoning behind this may be because you can provide or give access to something he/she wants, and he/she is willing to use you to get it. In the case of lust or greed, it is simply a matter of wanting what you have. In other cases, he/she sees you as an obstacle in the way of what is needed, or something expendable that can be sacrificed without a second thought to acquire what is desired. It means the so-called friend has a bad heart and an evil soul, and cannot bear to see you happy. Jealousy is when a person is envious over your life or what you have, whether material things or even the kinds of relationships you share with others.
In rare cases, people betray friends because they are actual psychopaths in need of serious help. They have no regard for how their words or actions affect others and can wreak havoc on the lives of people. In those cases, it won’t matter what you say to someone who betrayed you since they really don’t care and will be that way forever.
01 – The Do’s when someone has betrayed you
Before you even get to what to say to someone who betrayed you, you have to think about the things you should make sure you do in order to handle this the right way. After all, there is a right and a wrong way to go about things.
01Take time to process your feelings
At the moment, you will feel a surge of emotions coming at you at once. This makes it easy to become flustered and frustrated, making it hard to figure out what to say to someone who betrayed you. During the chaos, talk yourself into walking away so you can take time to process your feelings. Take as much time as you think you might need. These are your feelings, and you are the only one who can work through them. When your head is clear, you’ll have a better handle on what to say to someone who betrayed you.
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02Accept that it happened
The next step is to accept that this has happened. Regardless of how you felt about the person, you have been betrayed. This way, you can move forward with your assessment.
03Assess the current situation
So, now everything is up in the air and it is time for you to make a decision. Based on the information you gathered during the time you were processing your feelings, replaying what happened, and analyzing everything that happened, do you think the relationship is worth trying to repair?
04Reach out to others
This would be a tough situation for anyone, so don’t hesitate to reach out to your close friends and family for support during this time.
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05Express your emotions to the person
Once you have done everything to lead up to this point, it’s time to confront the person who betrayed you. Here, you should express your emotions and your thoughts, and listen to feedback. Based on the response and your previous verdict, you can decide where you want to go from there to help you figure out what to say to someone who betrayed you.
02 – The Dont’s
A huge part of what to say to someone who betrayed you is understanding what you should not be doing in this situation. Let’s discuss them:
01Let your anger control your words
Yes, it sucks and yes, you’re mad, but if you let this get you out of your character, you might be letting the other person win. Try to get a grip of yourself. Do not yell or curse at the person. Try counting to 10 or walking away instead. Whatever you need to do to calm yourself and get a level head.
The last thing you want is for people to look at you like you’re a crazy person. Yes, you have been wronged, but when you’re going at somebody at the top of your voice, onlookers have no clue what’s going on and you might end up in trouble with the law if you make a scene. And don’t try to get revenge either. There’s really no point in trying to hurt someone when they hurt you, because at the end of the day, you still got hurt and are still hurt.
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03Blame yourself for what happened
Betrayal is never your fault so don’t ever blame yourself for what happened. That person did what he/she did of their own free will and you are not responsible, not even a little bit. You should never feel guilty for the negative actions of others, especially when you would never do something like that yourself. You should never try to become heartless or soulless, because that could change your character and prevent you from experiencing life and people fully.
03 – If you get an apology…
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Forgiving and forgetting are the ideal way to go, and an apology is always welcomed, but remember that some people are devious and are expert manipulators. The worst type of people try to flip the script or gaslight you.
Make sure the person knows exactly what was done wrong and why it was wrong. Don’t let it get swept under the rug.
Soon you will learn what to say to someone who betrayed you so you can cover the aforementioned.
04 – If you don’t…
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Sometimes you won’t get an apology. In fact, some people are so brazen and will flat out refuse to apologize. Others may think that they are not doing anything wrong.
In these instances, you should make it abundantly clear what the wrongdoing was. If the person is still reluctant to listen and pretends to misunderstand, do not waste your breath.
Some people are not worth the effort and will never admit to the truth in spite of you knowing what to say to someone who betrayed you. Karma will be their reckoning (hopefully).
05 – What to say when someone has betrayed you: If you want to save the relationship
If you are satisfied with the apology and think it’s worth a second shot, you will now have to accept whatever comes next. We suggest that you start this new chapter by expressing your expectations and how you feel moving forward.
Here are examples of what to say to someone who betrayed you when you both want to repair the relationship:
01“Everyone deserves a second chance, but know there is no third chance to be gotten. You broke my trust, now it is up to you to regain it and prove to me that you’re truly sorry.”
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02“I always thought that you would have my back so I was really hurt by the way you acted. I hope you meant it when you said that this was the last time.”
03“The only reason I’m forgiving you is because I know you didn’t mean it that way but now that you know this is how I feel about these things, you can’t ever act like that again. I won’t be able to forgive you if you do.”
04“I know you have been friends with them for longer than you have known me, but if you want me to stay in your life, you’ll have to show me that I mean just as much.”
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05“What I say to you is for your ears only, not for your best friends. I get that you guys are close or whatever, just don’t let it happen again.”
06“I wouldn’t have said no if you had just asked me. I know you were desperate, that’s why I’m not even going to hold it against you.”
06 – What to say when someone has betrayed you: If it’s not worth saving
Some relationships are better left broken and discarded. You are better off without certain people in your life, so move on from the situation after you explore these 6 examples of what to say to someone who betrayed you:
01“It’s one thing that you have been cheating with other women behind my back, but the fact that you would dare to hit on my best friend is just disgusting. You don’t care about me or my reputation. I want nothing to do with you.”
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02“So much for having each other’s backs. You completely threw me under the bus but there won’t be a next time.”
03“You knew how I felt about that so there’s really nothing you can say or do to change how I feel. I’m done with you, and I’m done with this relationship.”
04“You’re not ready for a relationship. Not when you’re willing to put another female above the woman you claim to be in love with. Have a nice life.”
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05“If you went out and told him/her something like this so easily, imagine what else you’d blabber. I can’t have someone like you in my circle because I won’t be able to trust you ever again.”
06“You know I would give you my last dime if you asked so your excuses and apologies are ridiculous. I can’t continue to have someone like you in my life because I will never be able to trust you again.”
NOTE: If the person who betrayed you has been violent on more than one occasion, this could be potentially dangerous when you choose to use any of these sayings, the receiver could unexpectedly turn violent towards you after hearing what you said. In such case, It is better for you to leave and seek professional help immediately. Standing up for yourself is one thing, but staying safe is most important.
07 – Tips on how to prevent future betrayals by others in your life
Betrayal often sneaks up on us and takes us by surprise, but there are some instances where you can see it coming or even prevent it. You have been hurt before so you know how harmful these feelings are.
But will it matter if you know what to say to someone who betrayed you if you can prevent it from happening in the first place?
To prevent future betrayals by others in your life, pay attention to these tips:
01Take red flags for what they are
Do not try to explain away red flags. There’s a popular saying that goes: “When someone shows you who they are, believe them”. Do not make excuses for people and project your own beliefs to make a situation seem better than it is. This prevents major pain in the long run.
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02Spend time with yourself
One reason people get betrayed so often is because of how much they rely on others. Learn to spend time with yourself and be able to depend on yourself for your needs.
03Be straightforward and ask questions
Listen to your gut. If you see something that does not look or feel right, don’t be afraid to ask questions. If you are not satisfied with the response, don’t hesitate to be straightforward in expressing your concerns or wishes. Here, you can establish whether your values align and you can decide whether to keep or discard the relationship before things get out of control.
04Don’t be afraid to walk away
No matter how much history you may have, walk away at the first sign of trouble. Do not let your emotions be an anchor dragging you into a toxic and unhealthy situation. It’s okay to walk away after months, years, and even decades if you feel you are going to be betrayed or if you have bad feelings about the relationship. It’s better to save yourself the heartache than to face the music.
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Conclusion
Even though now you know what to say to someone who betrayed you, and you know the right things to do, we hope you’ll never have to use this advice. It’s not a great feeling, and you deserve all the good things in this world!
