Love takes us to the scariest of places sometimes and causes us to do things that are not reflective of who we want to be, like date a married man. This never ends well, so it’s time to figure out what to say when breaking up with a married man.
It’s natural to feel fear, guilt, shame, and even confusion, especially when you didn’t know he was married. And, if you did know, it’s never too late to do the right thing.
This is a messy situation, so don’t expect to know what to say right away. The most important thing to note when breaking up with a married man is that he has a wife and family who are probably in the dark.
Try your best to keep things on the low when breaking up with a married man so as to not bring shame to yourself or disrupt the family. All you can do is take yourself out of the situation and wish them the best.
And no, he’s probably not going to leave his wife for you, so get that out of your mind when figuring out what to say. Before we get into what to say when breaking up with a married man, here are the things you should bear in mind before doing so.
Important things to keep in mind before you break up with a married man
Breaking up with a man, whether married or unmarried, can be difficult. It takes a bit of mental preparation to figure out the right thing to say and the best way to approach the situation.
These are the things you should keep in mind before the breakup:
01Decide whether you want to do it face-to-face or over text/email
If you don’t think you have the guts to break up with him in person, you can do it over a text/email.
He shouldn’t be entertaining other women anyway, so you don’t have to feel bad about breaking up over text. And, if you feel like he might have a negative reaction that will become physical, this will keep you safe.
If he decides to seek you out, it will become a big deal, and chances are he won’t do it because he wants to keep the affair a secret.
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02If you didn’t know he was married
Feel free to express your disappointment if you didn’t know he was married.
Let him know how this makes you feel and remind him he is a bad person for doing this to his wife and family. Remind him he made a vow to be faithful and don’t enable his behavior.
At the same time, be as respectful with your approach as the situation dictates.
03If you knew he was married
Be open to admitting your guilt.
Even though you did not make a vow to his wife, you actively played a part in messing up their message. Be open to personal accountability, but don’t let him gaslight you and make you the villain.
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04Be clear and to the point
Breaking up with him is not a topic of discussion or something you’re willing to go back and forth about.
Let him know this is final, and you’re not interested in dealing with a married man.
05You can ghost him
He’s a married man that should not be entertaining other women.
You don’t owe him an explanation or even a second chance if you didn’t know he was married. He deceived you and his wife, and should face the consequences of his actions, even if the only consequence is losing out on a wonderful person without ever knowing why.
Imagine how that could keep him up at night! He deserves it.
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06Don’t do it publicly
As much as it may hurt to know the man you are in love with is married, don’t make a public spectacle, especially online.
Just imagine how his wife and kids would feel after seeing your rant go viral, and how embarrassed and heartbroken they will be. Enough damage has been done.
Never threaten to tell his wife either because that can end up badly.
07If his wife finds out and confronts you
Be apologetic and allow her to get whatever she needs to off her chest.
Do not use what he has told you about her against her. You are in the wrong, and she is allowed to feel however she does.
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What to say when breaking up with a married man: 8 of the best things to say when you find out he’s married and decide to break up with him face-to-face
Eventually, everything that is in the dark will come to the light. Technically, he isn’t cheating on you since he’s married, and you’re the one he’s cheating with.
Regardless, the realization that the man you thought was the man of your dreams was nothing more than a fairytale will sting. If you think you have the strength to break up with him face-to-face, here’s what to say when breaking up with a married man:
01“I didn’t sign up to be a mistress. I’m sure your wife is a wonderful woman and she doesn’t deserve this. I never want to see you again.”
This is a stern response you can use when you don’t want him to see how much it has hurt you. It is simple, to the point and leaves no room for misunderstanding.
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02“Not only did you deceive me, but you were deceiving your wife, your kids and your entire family. You should feel ashamed of yourself. I feel dirty knowing we did what we did and you had a family. It’s over.”
Use this example of what to say when breaking up with a married man when you want him to feel guilty for what he has done. It makes it clear you would not have entered into a relationship with him if you knew he was a married man.
03“I’m not comfortable continuing this relationship knowing you’re married. I thought you were different, but I guess I was wrong.”
Use this when you feel disappointed to know the guy you loved was lying about being single. It says he isn’t who you thought he was, and you no longer want the relationship.
04“How dare you trick me into believing you were the one for me? I even introduced you to my mom! She was right for not trusting you!”
Use this when there were suspicions, but you ignored them because of how you felt. This says you feel betrayed.
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05“I know you’re married, so I don’t care about what you have to say. I just called you here to let you know I’m done. Delete my number, forget our memories and go be a good husband to your wife.”
This is a serious way to approach the situation. It says you are detaching completely.
06“You didn’t think I would find out you were married? I guess you don’t think very highly of me after all. Anyway, we’re done.”
Use this when he played you for a fool, but you ended up finding out you were the side chick. It says you’re better than that.
07“I hope your wife never finds out what you’ve done, and I hope you realize this is wrong. I no longer want any part of this.”
Say this when you feel sorry for his wife because you know first-hand how much the betrayal hurts. It also says you hope he will stop cheating on her.
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08“How can you propose to me if you’re already married? Some say men are dogs, but this takes the cake. I’m breaking up with you.”
Use this when you get to a serious stage in your relationship, and he has made plans to marry you. It says you are disgusted and disappointed by his actions.
What to say when breaking up with a married man: 3 of the best things to say when you found out he’s married and decide to break up with him via email
If you can’t bring yourself to confront him face-to-face, send an email or text.
Be careful with this, especially if there’s a possibility his wife may check his phone. No one should find out their spouse is cheating in this way.
These are some examples of what to say when breaking up with a married man via email:
09“I just want to let you know I found your secret Instagram account with pictures of your wife and kids. You have a beautiful family.”
I’m walking away from this, and I hope this makes you step up and be the man they need you to be. I hope they never find out either because no one deserves to have their heart broken like that, trust me.
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This is good to use because it lets him know how you found out, so he can’t lie about it. It also lets him know he’s not only hurting you, but also his family.
10“I always suspected you were hiding something, but I didn’t know it was an entire family! I’m disappointed things ended up this way, but the reality is, I never really knew you. At least it didn’t get too deep before I found out the truth. Goodbye for good.”
This is good to use when your suspicions have been proven and you are over the entire situation.
11“I went through so many emotions when I found out you were married, and typed and deleted this email so many times. I’m angry and I feel betrayed, but I will not lash out at someone who couldn’t care less about my feelings. I hope this is your last affair because nobody should be lied to like this.”
This is good to use when you want to let him know how much he hurt you by leading you on in the relationship. It says you will leave with your head held high and will stay far away from him.
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What to say when breaking up with a married man: 6 of the best things to say when you knew he was married from the start, but have now decided to break up with him face-to-face
If you knew he was married, hey, it happens. Sometimes the best of us get caught up in a fantasy without paying attention to how many people we are hurting.
We live and we learn, and the purpose of this isn’t to judge you. As long as you do the right thing before it’s too late, all is forgiven.
This is what to say when breaking up with a married man you willingly entered into an affair with:
12“I don’t think I can do this anymore. My conscience eats me alive every time I see your wife. We have to end things now.”
Use this when you know his wife and feel guilty about messing with her husband behind her back.
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13“This has been wrong from the beginning, and I can’t believe I was too caught up in this to see clearly. I’m officially breaking things off. I know we must work together, so let’s keep things strictly professional and move on.”
Say this when you are having an affair with someone you work with. This makes it clear it’s over and hopefully will make things less awkward in the workplace.
14“I’ve always known you were married but meeting your wife face to face was something I was not prepared for. I don’t want to be this person anymore, and I don’t want to be with you.”
Use this when the reality of the affair didn’t hit you until you came face-to-face with his wife. Now that it has, you’re making the right choice.
15“We both know this relationship is going nowhere. You’re never going to leave your wife and I can’t be strung along like this forever. Let’s end it now before it gets any messier.”
This is good to use when you’ve come to your senses, and you finally realize this man will never be yours. It says you finally realize you deserve better.
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16“We’ve had our fun, but I’m turning over a new leaf. I don’t want to be the mistress anymore. I want to be with someone I can be exclusive with. That will never be you.”
It is good to say this when you want more out of the relationship, but you can never get that by being a side chick.
17“Thanks for the laughs and everything that came with our sinful affair. I will now atone for my sins, and so should you, starting with breaking up. Good luck to you.”
Use this when you are ready to forgive yourself for the bad things you’ve done and to say you’re ready to move on with your life.
What to say when breaking up with a married man: 5 of the best things to say when he doesn’t want to let you go
There is a chance he’ll beg you to stay and make a ton of practice such as incessantly texting you messages or promising to leave his wife so you don’t leave him. Enough lies have been told between you two, so don’t fall for the new ones.
If he didn’t get the message the first time, you’ll be forced to take a more stern approach. Here are some ideas of what to say when breaking up with a married man who doesn’t want to let you go:
18“Let me guess, you’re going to leave her? How dumb do you think I am? Save the lies for someone without a conscience.”
This is good to use when he’s making promises he cannot keep. It says you’re too smart to keep believing him.
Photo by Roman Kosolapov on shutterstock
19“You don’t own me, and I never owned you. Let’s not pretend this was more than it really was. It’s time to say goodbye.”
Use this to remind him there was never a real relationship, so he should not be worried about you choosing to say goodbye.
20“I can’t believe that when you lay your head beside your wife every night and tell her how much you miss her. I’m going to find that for myself, and you should appreciate what you have.”
Say this when he is promising to make you a priority even though he still acts like a husband to another woman. This says you’re going to find your own husband to give your love and time to.
21“I think you should be less focused on me, and more focused on your family. It will serve both of us better that way.”
This is another way to tell him to leave you alone and go be with his family.
Photo by fizkes on shutterstock
22“I’m going my own way and I suggest you forget this entire thing ever happened. I know I will.”
This is good to say when there’s nothing he can say to convince you to be with him.
What to say when breaking up with a married man: 5 of the best things to say when he accuses you of leaving him for someone else
Isn’t this ironic? A cheater accusing you of cheating?
Nevertheless, this will warrant a response. This is what to say when breaking up with a married man who accuses you of cheating:
23“Think whatever you want, as long as it makes you feel better. We’re terrible people for doing this. It’s over.”
Use this to remind him he has no say in the matter and you don’t want to continue this conversation.
Photo by Alejandro J. Vivas on shutterstock
24“That’s your move, not mine. Goodbye.”
This says he’s the one doing the cheating, so he shouldn’t project his insecurities onto you.
25“I am actually, and he’s not married. Wish us luck.”
Say this when you actually find someone else (or if you want it to sting). It says you’ve moved on and moved up.
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26“That’s bold of you, considering you have a wife and kids. This is already an unfair situation, let’s stop before someone gets hurt.”
Use this when he keeps pestering you about it. It says this is already difficult and there’s no need to continue when this is leading nowhere.
27“I am. I’m leaving you and choosing me. For once in my life, I’m putting myself first.”
This is good to use when he has made promises in the past to get a divorce. It says you’re not waiting any longer.
