If you receive an invitation to a bridal shower, it means you are expected to participate by showing up and enjoying the festivities. Life gets in the way sometimes, so if you can’t make it, it helps to know what to say to avoid any hard feelings.
It’s an important event where the bride celebrates this new chapter of her life with her female friends and relatives. They play games, share advice and stories, and just celebrate the meaning of the moment.
Usually a bridal shower is organised by the maid of honour, bridesmaids or family members rather than the bride herself. Sometimes it’s even a surprise for her. When you can’t attend a bridal shower, it’s important that you let the maid of honor/bridesmaids/family member know ahead of time. Usually, a lot of planning goes into these events and it can mean wasted money on food and other purchased items.
Then there’s the disappointment aspect when you can’t attend a bridal shower. She’s expecting everyone she loves there, so when you figure out what to say, it had better be good.
We have compiled 17 examples of what to say when you can’t make it, and some guidelines you should follow to make sure the organizer/bride doesn’t feel slighted by your decision. Here are the examples of what to say when you can’t attend a bridal shower you’ve been waiting for:
What to say when you can’t attend a bridal shower: 5 sweet notes for when you have a schedule conflict or work on that day
The reality is, we all have busy lives, whether it’s with work, home life, school, hobbies or what have you. The bridal shower may fall on a day when you can’t miss work, or you may have a schedule conflict to contend with.
When this happens, be sure to explain your reason for not showing up. Here are some examples of what to say when you can’t attend a bridal shower due to work or a scheduling conflict:
01“I hate that I have to work on the day of [insert bride’s name]’s bridal shower. I tried very hard to get out of it, but I’ll be needed here at the time . I promise to make it up to her as soon as I’m available.”
Use this when work obligations have caused you to cancel on the baby shower. This is good to use when you have an important role in the company and you can’t do anything about it.
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02“I checked my schedule and realized that the vacation I’ve been planning for over a year is the same weekend as [insert bride’s name]’s bridal party. I’ll be on the other side of the world, but my thoughts will be with her on her special day.”
This is good to use when you have had other plans on the books before you even learned about the bridal shower. This is a good note to send when you RSVP to the invite.
03“Happy bridal shower! I wish I could be there to say it in person, but life gets in the way sometimes. Have a wonderful time with those who can make it.”
This says that you have something that is more demanding of your attention to attend to. It says you don’t want to discuss why you won’t make it because it’s personal.
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04“It was hard to choose which event to attend this weekend, so know my choice was made with a heavy heart. I will do all I can to help make it a success and make it up to [insert bride’s name] in her wedding gift. Please accept my apologies as well as my well wishes.”
It is good to use this when you double booked, or you have something more important to attend like a child’s graduation or a partner’s award ceremony. The bride can’t fault you for putting your family first.
05“If there was any way I could make it in time for [insert bride’s name]’s bridal shower, you know I would. My schedule has been super busy for the past 6 months, and there’s no wiggle room. I barely have time to myself and have been disappointing a lot of people lately. I really hope she has a wonderful time regardless.”
This is good to use when you simply have no time in your schedule to attend a bridal shower. This says you are working on finding a good work-life balance, but until then, you’re asking for some leniency.
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What to say when you can’t attend a bridal shower: 4 sweet notes for when you don’t know the bride that well
When you don’t know the bride well, you may not feel like making a huge effort to be there, especially if you think it may be awkward. Her maid of honor/bridesmaids/family member may have invited you because you’re related to her groom, and they didn’t want you to feel left out.
If you don’t want to be there, please don’t make it obvious. You don’t want to create an unnecessary rift.
Instead, come up with a good enough excuse for your absence. This is what to say when you can’t attend a bridal shower but still want to make her feel good about her day:
06“I was very honored to receive the invitation to [insert bride’s name]’s bridal party, so it sucks to know that I won’t be able to make it. Thanks for considering me, and have a wonderful time.”
This says you’re grateful for the invite and wanted to make it, but something came up. It sends well wishes on her special day.
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07“I remember how excited I was for my bridal party like it was yesterday! I know it will be a good time, and [insert bride’s name] will make a ton of memories with the people closest to her. I’m sorry I can’t come, but make sure she fills me in on how it goes.”
This says you understand how important and special the day is because you’ve been there before. It says you wanted to attend to celebrate, and you want to hear all about it when she has the time to share.
08“This is [insert bride’s name]’s moment. Please don’t let my absence ruin any of it for her. I’m sure her loved ones will make it memorable. I can’t wait to turn up with her at the wedding.”
This says you hope she will not be too disappointed by your absence, and you will definitely be there for the wedding.
09“I wish I could be there celebrating with [insert bride’s name] today. I appreciate the efforts she’s made to make me feel like part of the family. I’ll be sending her gift, so I hope that at least makes up for the disappointment.”
It says you are grateful the bride’s loved one/s made the effort to reach out to you and include you in this special day. It says you are apologetic about missing it and will ensure she at least gets her gift.
Photo by Traci Beattie on shutterstock
4 sweet notes for when you don’t want to spend your day with a bunch of people that you don’t know well
Most people wouldn’t want to go somewhere with people they don’t know or like. It can be uncomfortable and the tension can ruin the mood at the bridal shower.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is just eject yourself from the situation. This is what to say when you can’t attend a bridal shower because you don’t want to be uncomfortable:
10“Thank you for inviting me to [insert bride’s name]’s bridal shower. This is a time for her to enjoy this milestone in her life with the people she cares about the most.
Considering the incident between her best friend and me, I don’t think showing up would be a good idea for anyone involved. I want her to have the best time possible, so I’ll just eliminate myself from the equation.”
Use this when you don’t get along with someone who will be at the shower. This says you want her to enjoy her experience and not have it tainted by a disagreement.
Photo by sirtravelalot on shutterstock
11“I’m super bummed out I won’t be able to make it to [insert bride’s name]’s bridal shower, but I’m happy she’ll be surrounded by other people who love her and will make sure she has an amazing time.”
Use this when you don’t want to make it obvious that you don’t want to come to be around people you don’t know. You put a positive spin on it by saying that she’ll be around people she loves anyway, and won’t really notice you’re gone.
12“[Insert bride’s name]’s bridal shower is about celebrating this special milestone in her life with the people who know her best. I would not wish to cause a distraction or make anyone feel uncomfortable, so it’s best I only come to the wedding. I hope she understands. Happy bridal shower!”
This is another good thing to say when you don’t get along with another attendee. It says you want the moment to be about her, and not everyone holding their breath because of a ticking time bomb.
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13“I’m just letting you know I won’t be able to make it the day of the bridal shower, but if there’s anything I can do to help [insert bride’s name] prepare, make sure she reaches out to me. I want her to have an amazing day and celebrate love.”
Use this when you still want to play a role in the bridal shower. She will appreciate your effort to help, even if you can’t be there physically.
4 sweet notes for when the bridal shower destination is too far
The most important thing is the wedding, and if you have to choose between the bridal shower and the wedding, the answer is clear. It’s just not practical to attend both in some instances, especially if you live far or need to jump on a flight.
It can be difficult to be there if you’re on a tight budget and have other obligations. These are examples of what to say when you can’t attend a bridal shower because it’s too far away:
14“I wish I could be there to celebrate this special moment in [insert bride’s name]’s life with you. I’ll be sending my well wishes and will check in on her when it’s over.”
This is good to use when you don’t want to get into too many details. Sometimes, the bride’s loved ones can feel bad if they are making people go out of their way to be there. This spares their guilt.
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15“I hate being so far away from the people I love, but this is what comes with the job. I’m unable to travel for the bridal shower, but I’ll definitely be there for the wedding!”
Use this when your job has taken you far away, and you are unable to travel at the moment due to prior obligations.
16“This has been a weird time for my family since my husband was laid off due to [the pandemic / economic recession]. We must be careful with our expenditures and have sacrificed a lot to get the family back on track. I won’t be able to afford flights for both the shower and the wedding, so I must pick one. I hope she will understand, and have a wonderful time regardless.”
This is good to say when you can’t afford to attend. It is good to use when you are close to the bride and you want her to understand what’s going on so your absence isn’t completely devastating to her.
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17“[Insert bride’s name] is someone I love beyond words, and she knows I’d do anything to be there by her side. With two small kids and no babysitter, it would be very difficult to make the drive to and from the shower. I already have plans in place for the day of the wedding, so I’ll be there without a doubt. Until then, love, laugh and be merry.”
It is also good to use this when you feel you have to explain why you can’t be there for her. It sends your best wishes and lets her know you wish her well.
Bonus: Ideas for what you can say in your tailor-made note when you can’t make it to the party
The bride will very likely be disappointed you won’t be able to make the bridal shower, so make sure you express how sad you can’t be there in person. It helps to have a good excuse, otherwise, she may think you just don’t want to be there for her on her special day.
Be sure to thank the maid of honor/bridesmaids/family member for including you in her celebration. They didn’t have to, but they chose you because your presence is important to her.
Photo by AlexandriaBryjak on shutterstock
Use your note to wish her the best on her special day, and show your support as best as you can. If possible, offer your assistance with anything she needs before or after the shower.
Perhaps you can support her in another way, for example, following up with the caterers, making sure thank you notes are sent after the shower or creating activities for her guests to do on the day of the bridal shower. Sending a gift is another way to get back in her good favor, especially something you know she needs or will enjoy.
