No woman wants to deal with the sting of having another play their partner’s mistress, but alas, it happens, and we just have to deal with life, even when it dishes us unfair hands.
Anger may be your primary emotion while you decide what to say when you confront the other woman, but you don’t want to make a fool out of yourself. When you confront the other woman, you want to keep things classy, and more importantly, not draw any more attention to the situation.
When you confront the other woman, try to be calm. It may not seem so simple at the time, but if you end up going off on her, you’ll kick yourself for it in the future.
While you work on processing your emotions, we’ll provide you with a rundown of what to say and how to say it. This way, you can maintain your image as a woman of class, and show her who’s boss.
Things to keep in mind before confronting the other woman
01Keep calm and collected
Before you confront the other woman, you’ll want to take a deep breath. Reflecting on what has happened to you can be a struggle, but it’s important to keep calm and collected.
Being confrontational and aggressive can cause you to look bad, and it can even become physical if things get too heated. You never want to enter a situation without a clear head.
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02Make sure you don’t make false accusations
Have concrete proof before you say anything unless you are inquiring based on suspicion. Having concrete proof also makes sure you’ll be able to catch her in a lie, and she won’t be able to run away from the situation. Pictures, text messages and accounts from other people are a good place to start.
03Be direct in what you want to say.
Have it pre-planned so you don’t forget anything. Make it very clear how you feel about the situation, and about her contribution to ruining your relationship. At the same time, be very mindful that it takes two to cheat, and the blame is never solely on her. At the end of the day, you made a commitment to that man and not the woman. You cannot fault her entirely for the betrayal.
04Be prepared to confront your man as well.
He should be getting most of the heat. The only exception to this rule is when the woman is someone you know personally, like a close friend, relative or coworker. Then, and only then can you place an equal amount of blame on them for betraying you.
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05Do not bring up the past
Bringing up the past often doesn’t work in your favor, especially if the affair happened long ago, you knew about it and worked on it with your partner. What sense does it make to reignite that fire when you’ve supposedly forgiven him and moved past it?
You’ll be doing your relationship a disservice by confronting the other woman for no reason. As long as you know the affair is over, let sleeping dogs lie.
05“Learning my husband was cheating on me was the worst day of my life. Coming face-to-face with a mistress that I knew and loved is #2.”
This is another example you can use when the other woman is someone you know. It expresses the extent of your heartbreak.
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What to say when you confront the other woman: 4 of the best things to say when she denies everything
There’s a slight possibility that she will try to deny everything when you confront her. Usually, it’s out of embarrassment, but sometimes she wants to spare your feelings by not admitting to her guilt.
It’s up to you to decide if you want to push for the truth, but when you do, you must be direct and stern. These examples of what to say when you confront the other woman are good at getting the truth out:
06“Do you think I’d come to you without solid proof?”
If your approach is bad cop, you have to hit her with the proof. She won’t be able to lie when hit with facts.
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07“How convenient. Except I have all the proof right here.”
This is good to use when the woman is known to you and tries to convince you that certain instances were mere coincidences.
08“I would’ve believed you, but I saw all your messages in his phone.”
Use this when text messages exposed the affair. This is solid proof that can’t be denied.
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09“Well, I don’t have sex with someone who’s just my coworker.”
This is good to use when the woman is your partner’s coworker and she tries to play off the relationship by using working together as an excuse.
5 of the best things to say when she says she won’t leave your partner because she loves him
The audacity of some mistresses is astounding. Some women will insist on maintaining a relationship, even when the truth is uncovered.
You must stand your ground if you plan to take your man back. But, if you don’t want him, you have to make that clear too.
You don’t want to leave room for misunderstanding, especially if she tries to use it as an advantage over you.
Here are some examples of what to say when you confront the other woman and she insists on being in a relationship with him:
10“Great. You two deserve each other.”
Use this when you don’t want him because of the poor morality involved in adultery.
11“Haha. I can’t see what pretty young thing he leaves you for!”
This is good to use when you no longer want to be in a relationship. It says karma will teach her a lesson.
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12“How romantic. I hope you have a great life together.”
This is a sarcastic response that will make her feel stupid about her stance. It says you know it will not work out the way she thinks it will.
13“If love wasn’t enough to keep him here, why do you think he’ll stay with you?”
Use this response when she is delusional and naive about their relationship. This rhetorical question will hopefully make her come to her senses.
14“Does he know that? Because that’s not what he’s been telling me.”
Say this when you have been in talks with him about continuing your relationship. Some men will try to keep playing both women and lie about their intentions.
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What to say when you confront the other woman: 5 of the best things to say when she asks you to leave your partner instead
The encounter may go this way: The other woman will ask you to end your relationship with him so she can become his girlfriend or wife.
Funny, right? And, not funny, ‘haha’, funny weird.
When these instances arrive, these examples of what to say when you confront the other woman should do the trick:
15“Excuse me? You must be sicker in the head than I thought.”
It is good to use this when the betrayal comes from someone you know. It says this makes your perception of her even worse.
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16“So he can do what? End up leaving you for someone else? Be realistic.”
This is good to use when the girl is young and naive, especially when you are married and have a family with him.
It says she should be questioning his character because of his past towards the people he supposedly loved.
17“You can have him. I just really wanted to meet the woman he thought he could hurt me over.”
This is good to use when the person is a stranger to you, but you just wanted to meet her to see what she’s like.
18“He’s old news. Enjoy him.”
Say this when you’re done with the relationship. It says you don’t care about him and what he chooses to do moving forward.
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19“Do you understand that we’ve built a family? There’s more to lose here than you know. The next time you choose to be selfish, make sure it isn’t with someone else’s husband.”
This addresses her audacity to want to do even further damage after everything she’s helped him to cause.
5 of the best things to say when she accuses you of being the culprit to cause your partner to have an affair
Some mistresses are spiteful and will try to make you feel like less of a woman after the affair is revealed. She claims that she has something you lack, and she is trying to embellish her role in his life.
The reality is, men cheat on some of the most amazing women in the world simply because they are selfish and can’t see what they really have. If Jay-Z can cheat on Beyoncé, it should say a lot.
Here are some examples of what to say when you confront the other woman that you can use when she blames you for the affair:
20“Do you really believe that? Put yourself in my shoes.”
Use this example when you know he lies a lot and will say anything to make himself look better. This tells her to use her brain, not her heart.
21“If you had a man of your own, you’d know there’s more to a relationship than sex. At the end of it all, he didn’t even choose you.”
This is good to use when she is being nasty, knowing fully well he was only using her for sex and that he moved on to someone else.
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22“I admit that I had a rough year and wasn’t attentive as I should’ve been, but until you’ve been in my shoes, you can never speak about my relationship.”
It is good to use this when you know you haven’t been the best wife, but that should never mean he has a pass to cheat. It also says she doesn’t know what you have been through so she shouldn’t judge your actions.
23“That’s just what he told you. You can make all the assumptions you want based on one side of the story, but that’ll never make him leave me.”
Say this when you are keeping your man and you want her to back off. It says she doesn’t know the truth and should mind her own business.
24“Men cheat because they want to. You’re a grown woman, you should know that.”
Say this when she is being delusional about the reality of the situation. It says she knows better.
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4 of the best things to say when she asks you for money to leave your partner
In some cases, the woman will ask for money when she knows the affair will embarrass your family. They will try to hustle you and exploit your family even further.
You should never give in to these situations. How do you know she will follow through?
You could end up in a horrible situation where you have to constantly be paying hush money. She could tell the world anyway after receiving the money.
This is what to say when you confront the other woman and she demands money to leave your partner:
25“Did you know that this is extortion? I’ll look past it this time, but try that again and you’ll be receiving an email from my lawyers.”
What she is doing is illegal. Threaten her with legal action to get her to stop.
26“This is pretty pathetic. Go get a real job.”
This lets her know you won’t fall for her tricks, and if she needs money so desperately, she should try to seek an honest living instead.
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27“Is this how you earn a living? Weaseling your way into people’s marriages and threatening them over their husbands? You’ll never see a dime of my hard-earned money.”
This tells her off and lets her know you won’t be paying to keep things quiet.
28“In your dreams. You’d be better off starting a GoFundMe.”
This is a sassy response to use when she demands money. It lets her know that what she’s doing is sad and pathetic.
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What to say when you confront the other woman: 4 of the best things to say when she tells you she is carrying the baby of your partner
The worst-case scenario for many women is their man getting another woman pregnant when he cheats. She may opt to keep the baby even if your man is married and this news could hurt your family.
This requires maturity and patience. You wouldn’t want to be responsible for getting between a father and a child, and robbing an innocent child of a good childhood.
This is something you can’t change, so either deal with it or leave. If you plan to try to work things out, use these examples of what to say when you confront the other woman:
29“Well, there’s nothing we can do about it now. I’ve talked to my husband and we’ve agreed to assist you and be a part of the child’s life. We can all handle this like adults.”
This lets her know you intend to be a part of this blended family and you will work towards making amends.
30“I don’t carry any ill will towards your child because he/she is innocent in all this. I hope we can work out some type of custody arrangement that suits us both.”
Some women are hesitant towards step-mothers because they may harbor ill feelings towards the mother and take it out on the child. This says you’re not like that.
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31“It’s unfortunate that an innocent child will get caught up in the drama between parents. Let’s make a pact to never reveal the ugly details of how he/she was conceived for his/her sake.”
This says you are willing to play nice and put the affair behind you.
32“I won’t blame the child for the sins of the mother and father. I understand the baby was conceived while we were separated, so I can’t in good conscience be too angry at the situation. As long as you’re willing to work with me, I’ll work with you.”
This is good to say when the affair happened during separation before you and your husband decided to mend things. It says you are not angry and know accidents happen.
Men have been hitting women against each other since the beginning of time by having affairs and breaking hearts. It’s very sad that your partner decided to do that to you, and we hope you find healing as time passes.
These examples of what to say when you confront the other woman allow you to reach that place of healing by expressing your emotions. The sooner you confront it, the better you’ll feel.