Life is tough these days, and a lot of us are walking around not feeling okay. Mental health is very important, so take a few moments to connect with your friends and family by learning how to ask someone if they are okay.
You never know what people are struggling with, and they can walk around looking like they’re okay, when they’re really not. Depending on the relationship you have, how to ask someone will vary.
You are likely to feel comfortable asking friends and family, but when it’s someone you aren’t that close to, it will feel a little different. Therefore, we’ve compiled a list of check-in texts for asking someone if they are okay for every scenario:
How to ask someone if they are okay when they’re clearly struggling but you do not know what’s going on: 10 examples
When someone is clearly struggling with something, but you don’t know what’s going on, you need to be extra careful in your approach. You always want to come off as sincere, and not as someone who just likes to poke their nose into people’s business.
Understand that you are not entitled to know what is going on, and your priority is always to offer a shoulder to lean on or support. If the person is going around the question or doesn’t reply to the text, do not pester or pressure him/her.
Instead, know when to sit back and support someone from a distance. Keep your eyes and ears open for the possibility of him/her opening up.
Here’s how to ask someone if they are okay in this scenario:
01“Hey, I’m not sure what’s going on, but I want you to know I’m here for you always. I’ll give you a call this weekend and maybe we can go for a drink if you’re up for it!”
This is good to use because sometimes when people are going through a tough time, it’s better that they’re not alone and they spend their time with other people. This is a good way to let the person know you have their best interest at heart, and if it takes liquid courage, then so be it.
Photo by Shift Drive on shutterstock
02“What’s been up with you lately? I hope you don’t mind me asking, but I just want the best for you!”
Use this when you don’t have a very close relationship with the person, but you interact daily, whether at work or school. It says that you don’t mean to pry, but you have their best interests at heart.
03“You’ve always been a good friend to me, so I can’t sit by idly and watch when I see there’s clearly something wrong. Do you want to talk about it?”
This basically says it sucks to see someone you care about going through a tough time alone. It also says you’re returning the favor of being a good friend.
04“Is everything well? It’s been quite some time since I’ve heard from you and I just wanted to check in.”
Use this when you notice something is clearly affecting the person, and you want to find out what it is so you can help.
05“Would you be interested in coming over for dinner this Friday? I’m making your favorite, and you look like you could use some cheering up.”
It is good to use this when you want an intimate setting to discuss the issue. The person may not be as forthcoming if you invite them out in public, especially if you have an idea of the severity of the matter.
Photo by BalanceFormCreative on shutterstock
06“Your mom/dad asked me to check in with you because you aren’t doing well. Is this them overreacting or is there something we need to talk about?”
Use this when the person’s parents realize there is an issue but are unable to get through to him/her, so they’ve asked you to find out on their behalf. Some people find it easier to talk with their peers than their parents about certain topics.
07“You seem to be carrying a heavy burden. I’m here for you whenever you wish to unload it.”
It is good to use this when it is obvious the person is going through something but is trying to conceal it. It says that you won’t pressure him/her about it, but you’ll make yourself available to talk.
Photo by Sergey Nivens on shutterstock
08“Whatever you’re going through, you’re not alone. You have me, and the rest of the people who love you. When you’re ready to talk, we’ll be here.”
Use this to remind the person that he/she has an extensive support system that is ready to help as soon as he/she is ready. It is easy to feel like you’re the only person in the world dealing with something, so this serves as a good reminder.
09“I get that you need some space to work through whatever is troubling you right now, so I won’t pressure you. But remember that you always have a friend in me.”
This is also a good way to remind the person he/she has a good support system. It also says that you understand the need to withdraw from everyone to get his/her thoughts in order and work through certain feelings.
10“Life throws us curve balls when we least expect it. Take your time to recover and heal, and when you’re ready to talk, you can confide in me.”
This is a good message because it says that he/she is not alone. Many people are dealing with tough times they can’t see an end to, so you are showing that you understand these things take time, and you’re willing to work with his/her time to discuss the matter.
Photo by Jon Osumi on shutterstock
How to ask someone if they are okay when you want to stress that you’ll offer a listening ear if they don’t want to talk about it right now: 10 examples
Sometimes, people go through tough times that can feel embarrassing, whether it’s a cheating spouse, addiction, family drama or anything that you’d want to keep a secret. They try to hide their feelings to avoid judgment, or because they simply want to handle it themselves.
You can still be supportive in this type of situation, and you don’t have to completely back off and leave him/her alone. Your best move is to emphasize that you can offer a listening ear whenever he/she is ready and make yourself available.
This is how to ask someone if they are okay when they aren’t forthcoming with their problems:
11“I can take a hint. You’re not ready to talk right now and that’s fine. But when you’re ready, I’m here for you.”
It is good to use this when you see that the person doesn’t want to talk about it, and you want to let them know you understand and won’t be pestering them about it.
Photo by Alejandro J. Vivas on shutterstock
12“This is me just letting you know I’m thinking of you. No pressure.”
Use this as a reminder during his/her time disconnected from everyone that there are still people who care about him/her. This is an important part of healing, especially when the belief is that everyone is against him/her.
13“Talk about it in your own time, or talk about it never. Whatever your decision is, I’m going to support and uplift you regardless.”
This says that you will respect whatever decision the person makes, and you will support them in whichever way they want you to.
14“Healing doesn’t have a set timeline; it might take days, weeks, months, or even years! Whenever it comes, I’m ready to help.”
Use this to let the person know that there’s no rush in overcoming the situation or even opening up about it. It says that he/she should take as much time as is needed to find a place of peace and contentment.
15“You mean more to me than you’ll ever know. That’s why I’ve been pestering you, but my intentions are good. I know now that the best way to help you is to give you the space you need.”
This says you know your calls have been unanswered, but you kept calling because you were worried. You now understand space is needed, and will honor his/her wishes.
Photo by Nicoleta Ionescu on shutterstock
16“I don’t have the power to change the past or control the future. I can’t promise you that I can fix everything, but whenever you’re ready to let me try, I’ll give it my best shot.”
It is good to send this when you’ve been texting and calling nonstop without realizing that this is not the best thing for the person. It lets him/her know you will respect his/her decision and that you really care.
17“I feel helpless in all this, but it’s not about me. I just really want to see my friend happy again and I’ll do anything to make that happen.”
This lets the person know you’re worried and feel guilty, but you won’t let those feelings come before what’s best for his/her healing process.
18“If you feel like talking at 3 am, call, show up at my door or send an email/carrier pigeon. I’ll be there ASAP.”
It is good to use this because it says that whenever he/she is ready to open up, you’ll be there as soon as possible, no matter the hour or what you’re doing because he/she means that much to you.
Photo by Victoria OM on shutterstock
19“If I could take the hurt away, I would. You did not deserve any of that. Take as much time as you need to recover, but don’t let this hurt consume you.”
Use this when you have an idea of what happened, and you don’t want him/her to be consumed by feelings of worthlessness or that he/she deserved whatever negative thing happened.
20“Do what you need to do for yourself. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for focusing on your mental health. When you’re ready to emerge, I’m there with you!”
It is good to use this when you want him/her to focus on him/herself and not what others think or feel. At the end of the day, he/she is alone in his/her head, and nothing anyone says or does can change that.
Photo by Africa Studio on shutterstock
How to ask someone if they are okay when it’s a friend or family member who you haven’t heard from in a while: 10 examples
It’s always good to check in with friends and family members you haven’t heard from in a while. It gives you a chance to get an update on their lives and find out how everybody’s doing.
It shows them that someone cares, and if they are in a particularly depressing spot, it can make them feel a little better. Here’s how to ask someone if they are okay when you haven’t heard from them in a while:
21“Is everything well? Is it something I did? It’s just been a while, and I’m worried.”
Use this when you haven’t heard from the person in a while, and you can’t think of a reason why.
22“I know what it’s like to need time away from everything, so I’m not holding your lack of replies against you. I support whatever you think is best.”
This lets him/her know that you are not taking the lack of communication personally. Rather, you support whatever he/she has to do to overcome the situation.
Photo by PERO studio on shutterstock
23“I hope things are okay with you. Some of us are a bit worried because we haven’t heard from you.”
It is good to use this when you and the rest of his/her friends and family have not been in contact, and you’re all worried. This lets the person know that you all need something from him/her to feel better.
24“What’s new? It’s been a while.”
It is good to use this when there’s no indication that something’s wrong, and you just want to catch up with your friend or family member.
25“It may not feel like it now, but you’re one of the strongest people I know. You will get through this, and if you need any help doing so, just buzz me.”
Say this when you know the details of what happened, and how heavy of a burden your friend or relative is carrying. It says that you’re there to talk, and you know he/she will overcome this situation.
26“You’re my favorite [insert relation] so you know I’m always thinking of you. I hope everything is just fine.”
This reminds the person of the close relationship you share, and that you’re concerned about his/her well-being.
27“What’s up Hollywood! Got no time for the little people?”
This is a casual or funny text you can send if the relative or friend has moved away. It says you’re just checking in because you know he/she is busy.
Photo by Monkey Business Images on shutterstock
28“Whatever relationship funk we’re in needs to clear up because I miss my [insert relation]. We used to live better than this!”
It says that you feel like you’ve hit a rough patch in your relationship, and you want it to end because you miss him/her.
29“Hey. Love you, miss you!”
This is a quick text you can send when you don’t think anything is wrong in particular. Perhaps life just got in the way and you’ve both been too busy to communicate as much as you used to. This happens quite a lot, and it doesn’t mean the sky is falling.
Photo by fizkes on shutterstock
30“You don’t have to respond, I just wanted you to know you crossed my mind. I’ll say a little prayer for you and your family tonight.”
Use this when you know the person is isolating themself for a specific reason. It says he/she is in your thoughts and prayers and you’re wishing him/her all the best.
Conclusion
We should all be asking the people around us if they’re okay, especially in these tough times. A text is a great way to reach out without being overbearing, and it will make it clear that you care.
Whether your loved one is dealing with a difficult situation, or you just want to make sure they’re okay, these text samples should do the trick. So now that you know how to ask someone if they are okay, there are no excuses to not check in!
