If you have strict parents, then you already know that they might not be okay if you have a boyfriend.
At some point, you will have to tell your parents, and you won’t be able to keep the fact that you have a boyfriend a secret forever.
If you want to tell your parents undramatically that you have a boyfriend, then you will need to have a strategy.
Here are 12 fail-safe ways on how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend:
How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you are a teen girl
When you are in your early teenage years, your parents are less likely to accept the fact that you have a boyfriend. Hey, it’s natural! Sooner or later, they will have to accept that you are growing up, and it’s normal to have a boyfriend at your age.
Here are 6 ways of how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you are in your teens:
01Sit them down
If you want to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend, then you can just tell them. You can try to sit them down for a chat to share your news.
Now, this may be a little intimidating, so you should practice what you want to say beforehand in the mirror or with a friend.
You should also be strategic when you choose to give them the news. You should wait until they are relaxed, or you can try to butter them up a little with good behavior.
You shouldn’t try to tell them in public, when they’re tired, when they’re stressed out, or during/after an argument when you are less likely to get a positive response.
Sitting them down at the right moment is a good way of telling your parents the news because it shows them that you have a certain level of maturity. It also gives you the chance to answer any questions that they may have and you can listen to their concerns.
Here are two ways that you can tell them:
“Mom, Dad, I have a boyfriend.”
This is simple and straightforward.
“I have something to tell you, but I need you to promise that you won’t get mad.” *You’ll need to wait until they promise.
“Do you remember my friend Robert?” *You need to wait until they respond. “Well, he asked me to be his girlfriend, and I said yes.”
This is a good example because it prepares your parents for the news, comforts them with a familiar name, and eases them into the news. It can work like a charm.
Photo by Wade Austin Ellis on unsplash
02Write a letter/note
If you are too scared to confront your parents head-on and tell them that you have a boyfriend, you can put down all of the things you want to say in a letter or note.
This note doesn’t have to be long either. It should get to the point and mention a few things that you like about your boyfriend.
You can mail the letter to your parents’ house, slip the note under their bedroom door, or hand it to them directly. You can choose whatever works best for you.
This is a good way of how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend because you won’t have to deal with the backlash at the moment that you give them the letter, and they’ll have time to calm down before talking to you about it. You also get a chance to choose your words wisely before discussing the matter with your parents.
Here’s a sample letter/note that you can use to give your parents the news:
“Hey Mom and Dad,
I’ve been keeping a secret from you for a while now, and I think it’s about time that I come clean. I have a boyfriend.
He’s a really nice guy, and he makes me very happy. He’s smart, funny and kind. I think you would love him.
If you want to meet him, I can invite him over for dinner one day. I hope you aren’t upset that I kept this from you. I just didn’t know how to tell you.
Photo by Olga Polishko on reshot
If you’re not at all ready for those words to come out of your mouth, you can try telling your parents about your boyfriend by dropping hints.
To drop subtle hints, you can start by staying out a little late in the evenings, dressing nicely to meet up with friends, leaving your door open when talking about guys to your friends, or mentioning his name often in conversation.
After a while, your parents will start to wonder about your behavior and may start to suspect that you have a boyfriend.
When they finally decide to ask you about it, you can confirm their suspicions or even act surprised. Here’s an example of what to say when you are asked if you have a boyfriend:
“Oh my god, who told you?”
“Wow, how did you find out?”
Photo by Volodymyr Hryshchenko on unsplash
04Introduce him as a friend first
Another way to tell your parents that you have a boyfriend is by introducing him as a friend…who is also a boy. This way, you get to spend a lot more time together, and your parents may allow him to come to the house to hang out with you, as a boy who is a friend.
Take this opportunity to talk about him a lot, whisper with him while he is around, be affectionate, and if you’re bold enough, you can call him “babe” one day.
This is a good way to go about it because your parents will get some time to know him without feeling the need to know him as your boyfriend. By the time you admit it, they will have already approved of him.
It’s a sneaky way to go about it, but it can work if he shows that he is a good guy and that he cares for you.
When your parents ask about it, you can say something like:
“I told you he was my boyfriend, but you just thought I meant a friend who is a boy.”
Photo by Creative Vix under pexels license
05Invite your parents to your boyfriend’s game/showcase
If your boyfriend is an athlete or some type of artist/musician, or even the president of a club, you can invite your parents to an event that he is running or participating in.
This should, of course, be something positive like a football game, a student council meeting, a science fair, or a talent show. After he does his thing, you can ask your parents for their opinion on it.
You can say something like, “What do you think of our new student council president?” You can also say, “#24 is killing it on the field tonight.” If they agree or compliment him, you can reveal the big secret immediately after.
You can say something like:
“Well, I’m glad that you like him because he’s my boyfriend.”
“Nice! We’re dating.”
If you haven’t worked up the courage yet, you could ask your parents if they would like to meet your boyfriend. Who doesn’t want to shake the hand of the star player or congratulate a member of the glee club on a good performance?
If your parents want to meet him, you can take the opportunity to introduce him as your boyfriend.
This will work because they can see that this young man is not a time-waster. He is intelligent, sociable, hardworking, talented, and/or impressive.
Photo by Alexander Nadrilyanski under pexels license
06Tell your parents separately
If you know that one parent will be more receptive than the other to this kind of news, you can tell each parent separately. Then, you can enlist the help of the first parent to tell the other parent the news.
For instance, if you are a daddy’s girl and if he’s cool about most things, you can pull him aside and tell him the news. That way, if you know that your mom will get upset, you’ll be able to ask him for help when it comes to approaching her.
Alternatively, you may ask your dad to tell your mom on your behalf and discuss it with her before she talks to you about it. Your dad can help calm her down or persuade her that the news is not a big deal.
This is a good idea because you won’t have to deal with the backlash alone, and you’ll have someone on your side. Plus, if one’s okay with it, then it’s likely the other will come around sooner rather than later.
Here are some things you can say to the first parent:
“I want to tell you that I have a boyfriend first because I know that mom/dad will freak out. Will you help me break the news to him/her?”
“Dad, I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks, and I really like him. The reason I haven’t said anything is because I know mom will force me to end it. Can you talk to her for me, please?”
Photo by Gustavo Fring under pexels license
How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you are an adult
When you’re an adult living on your own, telling your parents that you have a boyfriend is much easier than when you’re a teenager. First of all, you have to be firm, and you should not beat around the bush. Secondly, you are not asking for permission to have a boyfriend. At the same time, you should remain respectful because you are telling your parents.
Here are 4 ways of how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you are an adult:
07Bring your boyfriend to dinner
When your parents invite you over for dinner, you can bring him with you, and you can use this opportunity to introduce him to them.
When you get there, you can say something like, “Mom, Dad, this is Josh. He’ll be joining us for dinner tonight.” If they don’t ask any questions, then you can go ahead and have your meal together.
During dinner, when the family is chatting, you can mention some good things about Josh. You can talk about his job, his achievements, what school he went to, or any other interesting detail.
Now, it’s time to tell them that he is your boyfriend. The best time to do this is after dinner, when everyone has already eaten and is happy with their full bellies.
You can use any one of these phrases to tell them that he is your boyfriend:
“Did you enjoy having Josh over? He’s such a great boyfriend.”
“I know you are already wondering about us. Yes, Josh is my boyfriend.”
This is a good approach because you are showing that your boyfriend is clearly important to you, which is why you brought him to dinner. It’s also a good option because you gave your parents an opportunity to get to know your boyfriend before giving them the news about your relationship.
If you don’t get to see your parents often, then you will have to probably give them the news about your boyfriend over text message. A phone call could work as well, but texting has its advantages.
For example, if your parents get mad about your relationship, you won’t have to deal with the situation in person. You will also have time to phrase your responses correctly to avoid confusion, conflict or chaos.
You can send a picture of both of you and let them know that this is your boyfriend, or you can send a text that reads:
“I’ve met someone really great, and I hope that you will both love him too. His name is Ryan, and we’re in love.”
“I just wanted to let you both know that I’m dating someone, before you hear about it from someone else. I want you to meet him soon.”
Photo by JÉSHOOTS under pexels license
09Invite your parents to your home
If you live with your boyfriend, a good way to let your parents know about him is by inviting them over.
When they get there, they will see evidence of another person living there in the form of photos of you two together. When they ask about it, you can answer all of their questions.
You can do this by saying,
“Oh, that’s when Greg and I went to Dallas this summer to meet his parents. Greg’s my boyfriend.”
“I would’ve told you sooner, but before I knew it, Greg and I were going out every week. Next thing I knew, we got an apartment together. Love’s crazy like that sometimes.”
This is a good way to introduce them to a long-time boyfriend because it shows that you are committed to each other. Living together is a big deal, and many people only do this with companions that they are serious about.
Photo by acworks on photo-ac
10Tag your parents on social media
A good way to tell your parents and the rest of the world that you have a boyfriend is by posting a picture of the two of you on social media using a heartfelt caption. You can tag your parents and others through different platforms.
The caption should explain why you kept the relationship a secret, express your love for him, and let everyone know that you can’t wait for them to meet your boyfriend.
This is a good way to go about it because you’re letting everyone know at once, and it is a great way to show that you’re not asking for permission to be in a relationship.
Use this as inspiration for your caption:
Happy New Year to my beloved friends and family. I’m excited and thankful to be starting this year with my boyfriend, Roger. Roger and I have been together for almost a year now, and I’ve loved every single minute of it.
I am the happiest I’ve ever been, and I just wanted to share this happiness with the people I hold dear to me.
I’m looking forward to all of the messages asking me why I never said anything, but if you know me, then you know that I am a very private person. Roger is helping me to break out of that shell, and now I’m ready to scream it from the rooftops.
Cheers to a happy, healthy relationship! I’m looking forward to personally introducing him to all of you!
Photo by Kate Torline on unsplash
How to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you are gay
Telling your parents that you’re gay, and actually having a boyfriend if you are a man are two different things.
Sure, they can process the idea, but to actually see you with another person of the same sex can really be shocking to some parents.
Here are 2 ways of how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend when you are gay. Note that these are equally applicable if you are woman with a same sex partner:
11Set up a meeting with both parents
If your boyfriend’s parents know that he is gay, and if they are comfortable with him having a boyfriend, you can ask for their help when it comes to breaking the news to your parents.
This is a good idea because it can help your parents feel more comfortable with the idea. They can also ask your partner’s parents all of the questions that only people in their position could answer.
This will also allow your parents to interact with your boyfriend in a safe space while getting to know him.
Even though you have come out to your parents, you might still have to educate them on what it means to be gay and how different things may be.
During this time, you’ll have to touch on several topics, no matter how uncomfortable they may be. You will want to make sure that everybody is on the same page.
If you already have a boyfriend, you can use these teaching/learning moments to put the idea of you having one into the minds of your parents before actually breaking the news.
During one of your talks, you can ask them how they would feel about you having a boyfriend or bringing a man over to the house.
This is a good idea because they can set theoretical boundaries, express concerns, and ask questions. If they seem ready to accept the idea of you having a boyfriend, then you can let them know that you already do.
To do this, you can say something like:
“I’m glad you would be okay with it because I’ve already met someone that I’d love for you to meet.”
“Whew, that’s a relief. I thought I’d have to keep this a secret for my whole life. I do have a boyfriend.”
Photo by Daria Shevtsova under pexels license
With these helpful ways of how to tell your parents you have a boyfriend, it will surely be as easy as counting “1,2,3.” Now, all you have to do is work up the courage to get the conversation started and actually tell them.