There’s nothing more difficult and heartbreaking than finding out your spouse has been unfaithful. When you find out, you are likely not going to be thinking straight and feeling a lot, unsure what to do next.
That’s understandable. It’s a difficult time and your feelings are bound to be mixed up over the infidelity. Did your spouse have a weak moment or are they not satisfied in your relationship?
There will be tons of questions running through your mind. That’s why it’s best to communicate openly and talk with your spouse.
Cautions and Tips When Bringing Up the Questions to Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse
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When you initially start bringing up the questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, they may be afraid to answer the questions.
That’s why it’s important to do your best to remain level-headed and calm. Here are a few cautions and tips:
01Don’t make long-term decisions within the first few weeks of infidelity.
02Don’t try to ‘get even’ with an affair of your own.
03Don’t make threats or ultimatums you won’t be able to carry out.
Top 10 Questions to Ask Your Unfaithful Spouse
Here are the top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse upon finding out that they’ve cheated:
01Are you able to answer all my questions with honesty?
This is the first question to ask because if they’re not willing to answer your questions with honesty, then the likelihood of you being able to trust them again is low.
Explain that you need them to be honest and to not spare your feelings because you want to know the truth.
Why should you ask this question? It’s important to ask them if they’ll willing to be honest because you won’t be able to heal fully unless your spouse is truthful.
Hopefully, your unfaithful spouse answers this question. If they do, tell them you appreciate their willingness to work with you. If they say they’re not willing to be honest, it’s time to move on.
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02Why did you agree to get involved with this person?
There must be some reason they decided that infidelity was worth the risk. Cheating is a choice and you deserve to know why your spouse made that choice.
Why should you ask this question? It’ll tell you if something is missing in your relationship. Maybe your spouse isn’t happy.
When your unfaithful spouse answers this question, let them know you need time to decide if their reason is enough for you. Just because they are honest, does not mean their justification will be accepted by you too.
This tells you whether or not they have regrets and are now aware, albeit late, of your feelings. Why should you ask this question?
Out of all the top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, this tells you whether or not they genuinely had a weak moment.
When they respond, assuming they felt guilty, let them know whether or not you feel you can move forward and give them another chance.
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04Do you have feelings for them?
When it comes to top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, this is an important one. Why? If they have feelings, it’s time to end the relationship.
You won’t be able to let go of the infidelity if you know there are lingering feelings. If they answer and tell you they don’t have feelings, then you can let them know you’ll consider giving them a second chance.
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05Will you stop seeing this person altogether?
If your spouse has any contact with this person going forward, it may be impossible to move on from, or resist repeating, the infidelity.
You should ask this question to make sure they’re willing to give up all forms of contact with this person.
If they answer and tell you they won’t, then it’s time to move on. If they will, you can let them know you’ll consider another chance.
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06Did they make you feel differently than I do?
Out of all the top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, this one might be the most painful to ask.
However, it’s important to know if they made your spouse feel better, more confident, more relaxed. You should ask this to find out if something is missing in your relationship.
If they respond and tell you specifics, use those specifics to decide if you’re willing to work from your end to improve or you’d prefer to let your partner go.
This needs to be asked because this will show you whether or not they truly felt guilty. When someone cheats and feels guilty, they don’t prolong that guilt.
They end it as soon as possible. If he or she responses and tells you the affair was a onetime thing, it’s safe to continue the relationship.
If it lasted a long time, you might want to consider whether you can stay with your spouse.
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08Are you sorry for cheating or for getting caught?
When it comes to what top 10 questions to ask your unfaithful spouse, this is an important one. Why? Because you want to see if they’re genuinely sorry.
If they respond and tell you they’re sorry for cheating, that’s a good sign. If they’re sorry for getting caught, you may want to tell them you’re afraid they’ll repeat the same behavior in the future.
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09Do you think you deserve to be forgiven?
This question should be asked because it gives your spouse a chance to explain why they think your relationship can move forward.
It also reminds them that you’re hurt and they have to work towards resolving that. If they think they deserve to be forgiven, ask what they’re willing to do to achieve that.