Coming out is never easy, especially when it’s time to tell your parents. Some parents are understanding and supportive, but others may become disappointed or upset.
Saying “I’m gay” to the world can feel like lifting a weight off your shoulders or like taking a breath of fresh air. You are free to be yourself and love who you love, openly.
But how do you tell your parents you’re gay? Well, that’s where we come in.
This post will give you a few things to keep in mind when telling your parents you’re gay and even give you 10 examples of how to tell your parents, “I’m gay”. Let’s get started.
How to Tell Your Parents You’re Gay: Before Coming Out
This is a very sensitive topic in many families, and the way you go about telling them can impact how your loved ones react to it.
Here are some things you will want to consider before telling your parents that you’re gay.
01Do it when you’re ready
Do not allow yourself to feel pressured into telling your parents you’re gay.
The right time to do it is when you’re ready, and coming out before that time can make you regret it in the long run.
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02Choose the right time and place
The right time is free time, and not a time where your parents are distracted with work or watching television.
Don’t bring it up when you are out at a family event like a wedding or funeral and take attention away from an event that isn’t yours to hijack.
03Talk to someone you trust
Coming out to friends can be much easier than coming out to family.
You can use this person to practice how to tell your parents you’re gay and even ask them to come along with you for moral support.
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04Be clear
When you tell your parents that you’re gay, you need to be very clear about it. Do not beat around the bush or be ambiguous. This leaves room for misinterpretation and confusion.
05Be open to questions
When you tell your parents that you’re gay, they will likely have questions to ask you. Do not get upset or offended by them, educate the people in your life.
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06Give people time to adjust
Not everyone will be receptive the first time you tell them you’re gay, and your parents are no different. They may appear shocked, confused, or upset, and those are natural reactions.
07Religion and beliefs
If your parents are religious and their beliefs do not allow them to welcome homosexuality, you might want to be very careful about how you come out to them.
You will basically be asking them to go against their religion and beliefs, which isn’t an easy thing to do.
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08Think about your safety and wellbeing
If your parents are the type to kick you out or abuse you if you come out to them, wait until you’re out on your own and independent to come out.
Now that you’ve digested that, it’s time to look at some real-life examples of how you can come out to your parents as gay or lesbian.
Ideas for How to Tell Your Parents Your’re Gay: For Guys
As a guy, your parents probably expect you to marry a girl and give them grandbabies to carry on the family name.
Telling them that you’re gay can come as a bit of a shock, but when done the right way, they will learn to accept it.
Here are 5 ideas for how to tell your parents you’re gay.
01Letter
A letter is a great way to come out to your parents. This letter can include what you hope to accomplish by coming out to your parents and other details, such as when you found out you were gay and if you have a boyfriend.
A letter works best for parents who aren’t always the easiest to talk to, and it gives you time to choose your words carefully.
Your letter does not have to be long, as long as it gets the “I’m gay” point across. Here’s an example.
Photo by acworks on photo-ac
Dear Mom and Dad,
I’ve been holding on to a big secret, and I can’t go one more day living a double life.
I’m gay. I have known I was gay since the 6th grade.
I would’ve told you guys sooner, but I wasn’t ready. I was scared you guys wouldn’t look at me the same.
Please accept me for me and help me to come out to the rest of the world.
To do this, you will need to get a T-shirt that says, “I’m gay”. It doesn’t have to be in those exact words, and it can include the LGBTQ flag.
When your parents ask why you chose to wear that shirt, tell them that you are a part of the LGBTQ community.
This shows that you are not afraid to be gay and that you want the world to know.
Your parents will see that you are very serious about your identity, and will have to accept it eventually.
Here are two phrases you can use when wearing this shirt.
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I am proud to be a part of the LGBTQ community.
Do you like my shirt? Every member of the LGBTQ community has one.
03Leaving clues around the house
Leaving clues around the house is a way to warm your parents up to the idea.
You can start by putting up posters of hot guys in your room, leaving a tab open on your laptop for a gay chatroom, start wearing more Pride swag, and watch shows/movies with LGBTQ characters.
At first, they may not notice, but after a while, they might begin to suspect it and ask.
During the period of suspicion, they will be able to go through all their initial reactions of disappointment or anger and will likely ask you about it in a calm manner.
When they ask about it, you can respond by saying:
Photo by Elyssa Fahndrich on unsplash
I love the representation of gay men in this series. It inspires me to love myself.
Zayn Malik is the hottest guy from One Direction. I have the biggest crush on him.
04During sex talk
Your parents are likely to have the birds and the bees talk with you at some point if only to make sure you understand the changes that are taking place in your body.
Since you’re a guy, they’ll probably warn you about getting a girl pregnant. Use this opportunity to correct your parents and let them know that you aren’t interested in girls.
This is a good idea since your parents were already in the frame of mind to give you a tough talk. They were already mentally prepared for uncomfortable questions, so use this to your advantage.
Here are two phrases you can use to tell your parents that you are gay.
Photo by Reproductive Health Supplies Coalition on unsplash
But what if I want to have sex with a guy?
Don’t be silly, Dad, boys can’t get pregnant.
05Ask someone to help you
Having someone there when you tell your parents that you’re gay can be a huge help, especially if it is another adult that your parents respect, such as a family friend or aunt/uncle.
This person can help talk your parents out of their anger and reassure them that everything will be okay.
They can help mediate the discussion to ensure that both you and your parents can communicate with each other properly.
It probably isn’t a good idea to involve your boyfriend in this conversation since it could make things awkward and uncomfortable for many people who might not be ready to accept your truth.
If it is someone that they already know and trust, for example, your best friend who they’ve known all his life, then, in that case, bringing your boyfriend into the discussion could work.
Here are two examples of how to tell them.
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Josh and I have something to tell you. We’re in love. Mom, Dad, I’m gay.
I asked Aunt Wendy to help me to talk to you guys, but it has to come out of my mouth. Mom, I’m gay.
Ideas for How to Tell Your Parents You’re Gay: For Girls
Coming out to your parents as a lesbian can be hard, especially if you are an only child.
Here are 5 ideas for how to tell your parents you’re gay as a girl.
06LGBTQ cake/cookies
You can announce to your parents that you are a lesbian by baking them an LGBTQ cake or Pride-themed cookies.
Decorate your pastry in the colors of the LGBTQ flag and even put “I’m gay” on it to really drive the message home.
This is a creative way to come out to your parents, and they can enjoy the cake after being surprised.
Here are some things you can say when you give your cake or cookies to your family.
photo by Sharon McCutcheon under pexels license
Even though this is a lesbian cake, it is still the same chocolate that you know and love.
No matter what others might start to think or say about me, I’m still your sweet baby girl.
07Poem
Writing a poem to your parents is a good idea since you can express yourself through carefully selected words that sound good together.
You can send it to them on their phone or read it to them aloud, whichever you are most comfortable with. Here’s an example of a poem that you can use as-is.
Photo by 42 North under pexels license
I am a girl who likes a girl,
I’m hoping she’d give the idea of us a whirl,
I doubt that she even knows my name,
But I’m hoping that she feels the same.
You might be thinking that I’m insane,
But living a lie has caused me pain.
I hope you can give me your support and love,
And won’t make me fly away like a dove.
A pop-up card is like a regular card, except when you open it, there is a pop-up message or image. You can make one yourself or buy one, whichever would be easiest for you.
Using a pop-up card that says “I’m gay” in whatever format that may take is a favorite technique since you won’t actually have to be there for their reaction.
Here are some messages you can add to the card yourself.
Photo by Rosemary Ketchum under pexels license
Surprise! I’m ready to talk about it when you are.
This might not have been what you were expecting, but it’s time you knew. I’m gay, and I’m proud.
09Song
There are many famous songs about being gay from ‘I’m coming out’ by Diana Ross to ‘She keeps me warm’ by Mary Lambert.
You can send these to your parents or play them before you tell them that you are gay. You can gauge their reaction to the song to find out if they would be receptive to the idea of a lesbian daughter or not.
After sending/playing the song, you can say something like:
Photo by Brian Kyed on unsplash
If you haven’t figured it out by now, guys, I’m a lesbian.
This is my most favorite lesbo song ever.
10Sit down talk
If you are looking to have a more serious conversation with your parents about your sexuality, a sit-down talk at the dining table is your best choice.
There you have the opportunity to confront the situation head-on and express any fears and concerns.
To initiate the conversation, you can use this phrase:
Photo by fauxels under pexels license
Mom, Dad, I think you might have noticed already. I’m a lesbian. I don’t like boys; I like girls. I wanted you to be the first to know.
Lastly
We’ve given you all the tips you’ll need and a few of the best examples of how to tell your parents you’re gay, so the rest is up to you.
You will have to figure out which of these ideas for how to tell parents, “I’m gay” is right for you, but once you do, the rest will be a piece of cake!
