Divorce isn’t new: it has always been society’s way of changing paths and making a new start.
If you’re reading this, there is a chance that you are having a hard time figuring out how to ask for a divorce from your partner. You’re not alone. Asking for divorce has never been easy, and many people have a problem getting started at all.
That is why we created the examples below of how to ask for a divorce.
Things to Consider Before Asking Your Partner for a Divorce
Before you can go ahead and ask for a divorce, there are certain issues you need to think seriously about.
For starters, you need to be sure that it’s the right decision.
You also need to know how to express yourself properly without coming off as selfish, vindictive or calloused. It’s important to consider the consequences of your bombshell of a request.
01Your Reasons for Asking for a Divorce
The ultimate question for anyone asking for a divorce is always the same—is it really the right decision?
Sometimes people are blinded by fury or buoyed by the prospects of a new fling.
In such cases, divorce usually turns out to be a mistake. Look through your reasons and see if they would be credible in front of someone else.
If they are not, you probably need an alternative to divorce, such as therapy. Sometimes a marriage can be saved if individuals search for other routes toward resolution.
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02Your Partner’s State of Mind
When you want out, the best thing you can do is remain sensitive to your partner’s feelings. If your partner is going through a hard time of their own, the timing might not be right to ask for a divorce.
The request can lead to depression or even suicide. Knowing your partner’s state of mind will help you know how best to break the news.
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03How to Express Yourself
In wanting a divorce from someone that doesn’t want to give it, you are already putting yourself first, and that’s okay. But you don’t want to sound selfish when you’re asking for a divorce.
That’s why you need to use the right words and phrases when stating your cause. If your partner has trigger words or phrases, avoid them. Prepare a sensible explanation for your request because they’ll want one.
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04His Potential Reaction
People react differently to bad news.
Reactions to divorce requests tend to be sadness and depression, but they can also be anger and violence.
Knowing which is more likely will help you determine whether to break the news in person or through a lawyer.
Some partners use drama, overreaction, neediness or violence to try and overshadow the divorce request, so be aware of that.
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After figuring out your position on all the issues above, you can go ahead and ask for a divorce.
Below, we consider 12 different examples of how to ask for a divorce from a partner.
06Dear Anne, I admit that we’ve had some good times together as a couple.
But I want out, as you’ve probably known for a while. I’ve found someone, and we intend to get serious soon. Things between you and I are smooth but still a far cry from what they should be like in a marriage.
That’s why I want a divorce from you. I will send the papers soon.
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When You are Fed Up With Staying With Your Spouse
07Mark, when we first met, you were the new sunshine in my dark world. I loved you for who you were.
But we both know you’ve changed, drastically, since then, and I can’t live like this anymore. I want a divorce from you.
08If you had told me thirteen years ago that you would be a raging alcoholic by our twelfth anniversary with a gambling problem that has all but ruined our family, I would have reconsidered marrying you.
I can no longer make excuses for our marriage, so I want a divorce from you, John.
Note: Be careful with this one. If somebody is alcoholic, they can be unpredictable and/or violent in their reactions.
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09Lindy, I’ll always treasure the years we had together, but for my own sanity, I am done with us.
I can’t take the struggle with your family anymore; it’s made me a sad, depressed, unambitious shell of my former self.
I am divorcing you, and I hope that you will take this well. I have decided to rediscover myself and find my own positivity.
10Sean, I want a divorce from you. I’ve thought deeply about it, and I don’t want to spend any more time hanging around the “new you” and all your constant legal trouble.
Please let me go. I know I’ll always love and care for you.
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When You Want a Divorce Plus Custody of the Kids
11Dan, I’d like you to know that you’ve given me some of the best years of my life.
Unfortunately, I now believe that our time has run its course, and we should go our separate ways. I want a divorce, plus I’ll be requesting primary custody of Maya and Terry.
Please try to understand and respect my decision.
Note: Be careful when using this one. Usually you can’t just want custody of your children for no good reason. Unless your partner is dangerous to be around the children, his or her needs and abilities are important.
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12Mary, it’s been a wonderful 5 years with you. But I want out now; we both know it’s no longer working.
I’ll send you the divorce papers to sign soon. I also want full parental custody of our boy, Lenny. We both know I can take good care of him.
Note: Be careful when using this one. There usually needs to be a very good reason for one parent to have full custody. Unless the other parent is unfit to look after the child, they have the right to at least have partial custody.
Marriage is a wonderful institution, especially when filled with love and trust for those involved. But sometimes, marriages fail.
For many people, asking for a divorce remains quite difficult, especially if only one person wants out of the relationship. Be very careful with how you use your words, because as much as you think you know your partner, they can react in unpredictable ways to requests such as these. We hope the divorce request examples above are helpful.