If you’ve ever wondered why you have a mad girlfriend, who always gets mad at you for no apparent reason, read on!
George is a friend of mine whose dealings with the opposite sex have never been terribly successful.
George isn’t bad-looking. He works out regularly, has a good job, and can wire a house, but he has had a series of failed relationships.
He’s been married and divorced, and none of the dozen or so romances he’s dabbled in over the last decade have lasted more than six months. What has George been doing wrong? He’s obviously been upsetting all his girlfriends, but he hasn’t a clue how or why.
The other day he came to me for advice. During our heart-to-heart, I began to glean some clues about his communication failures.
While George has a lot of good qualities, tact isn’t one of them. He has always said exactly what he thinks, believing frankness to be a virtue.
Some of the remarks George had innocently made to his girlfriends had in fact been deeply hurtful. In brief, George was long on candor and short on sensitivity.
After talking to him I’ve come up with fifteen things he should never have said to the women in his life. I hope the list will help you avoid making the same mistakes if you have a mad girlfriend.
Below are the things you should never say to a “mad girlfriend” if you want to avoid unnecessary pain or heartbreak.
George:
I just talked about the disloyalty of my ex-girl. I don’t understand why my girlfriend got mad at me over it?
Rita:
Bringing up your ex is a no-no in any budding relationship. It’s a sure way to get your current girlfriend steamed. Although being open about your past is a good idea, she doesn’t want to hear about all the things you used to do with your former sweetheart.
She wants you to be in the present and focused on your relationship with her. When you bring up the things your ex would have done, she’ll wonder why you’re not still with her.
It’s bad enough when the past was okay, but rehashing negative experiences from the old days is just as unhelpful. You constantly moaned to her about the disloyalty of your ex-girl.
It had gotten to the point where your girlfriend was beginning to wonder if there’d been something wrong with you as well. No doubt, she could stand it no longer and broke off the relationship so she would no longer have to put up with your horror stories.
George:
I told her that her friend was cute and I meant no harm by the comment.
Rita:
OK, so you mean no harm by the comment—in fact you intend it as a compliment to her friend—but no woman wants to hear how attractive you think other women are.
She’s your girlfriend, so she wants you to see her as the most beautiful woman you’ve ever met. No wonder she bristles at the insinuation you’re also attracted to her close friend.
When you told her that you thought her friend was hot or cute, it caused an enormous rift between you. Although you might work it out, her feelings might still be fragile.
Don’t take the risk. If you’re impressed by the beauty of another woman, keep it to yourself.
George:
Well, she could have done it in ten minutes, I don’t know what the big deal was.
Rita:
Are you surprised? Brother, you really need to work on your tact. Women are insecure enough, thanks to the ridiculous standards set for them by a society obsessed with physical appearance.
The last person a girl wants to feel this kind of pressure from is the man she loves. No wonder you have a mad girlfriend, because she’s liable to get upset if you even mention the subject of unshaven legs.
Look, if body hair matters so much to you, find a girlfriend who wants to shave!
You can prevent a similar disaster from happening by just accepting your lovely girlfriend for who she is, including her leg hair preferences. Get things in perspective, Bro!
George:
I asked her if she was pregnant because she was still eating. It was a joke actually, why did she get mad at me over it?
Rita:
Of course, your “mad girlfriend” got the point. Any time a man brings up anything related to weight or over-eating, or even hints at it, he’s taking a risk.
Weight is a subject most women are sensitive about. Keep this in mind before you say something you’ll regret. To even insinuate your girlfriend is eating more than the average woman is a sure-fire way of making her cross.
You question stung more than you realized. She was hugely offended and might begin to question your true colors both as a gentleman and as a lover.
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George:
It’s a pure hypothesis question. Why does she get mad at me over a joke?
Rita:
Are you insane? Asking if it would be all right for you to be unfaithful in a committed relationship is an immediate red flag for any woman. Even your joking about it will miff your girlfriend.
At the very least, it will raise a doubt or two in her mind. She might well wonder if you have already started cheating on her. Even if you aren’t, such a thoughtless comment will damage your relationship.
Should it survive, your words could pave the way to a future filled with distrust and passive-aggressive comments.
You and your girlfriend had been dating less than five months when that killer question put a stop to your relationship. You were being even thicker than usual.
Your gauche question immediately raised a red flag for her, especially as you followed it up by continually asking her for sex. You tried to argue that there was no better way to get to know someone. For sure, your “mad girlfriend” dumped you.
George:
Well, we had just had a heated argument and I heard that girls would be in bad mood on their period, so…
Rita:
No girl likes dealing with that time of the month. As well as giving her painful cramps, it can make her irritable. Not that she would expect her boyfriend to understand since he has never experienced it.
So, if she’s more prickly than usual and you ask her off-handedly if she is on her period, she is likely to blow a gasket.
In fact, it is foolish to think women are only irritable because they have their period. If that is the logic, no one should ever get irritable, except women on their period.
George:
Why didn’t she take it as a compliment?
Rita:
Why? No wonder you have a “mad girlfriend” throughout your love life. Girls work hard to make you notice them, especially on a date. They want you to notice that they look special. They might do their hair in a different way, or wear a new outfit, but mostly they do it with makeup.
Your girlfriend probably puts a lot of effort into making herself pretty for you, so when you say that she looks no different with makeup on, you’re basically insinuating that all her hard work has gone for nothing. Or even worse, that her natural face looks fake!
Perhaps your comment was innocent—even well-meant—and she could have chosen to take it as a compliment. But if your girlfriend is already a little insecure, and she will take offense. Moral: Don’t comment on her makeup if you and your girlfriend want a harmonious relationship.
George:
Oh my god! Why do girls like overthinking? What I meant was that she looked pretty with makeup on.
Rita:
Does it seem like you can’t win? Beauty is an impossible standard to attain in today’s society. Most women put on makeup to look special or to live up to the standards of beauty they see in the media.
But when a woman is at home with a bare face, she still wants to feel she is beautiful. If you tell her she looks better with makeup on, it injures her self-esteem and makes her think you don’t love her the way she looks naturally.
Unsurprisingly, she is likely to feel upset and will become a “mad girlfriend”.
If you tell your girlfriend that she needs makeup. The insinuation is that she ought to be picture perfect always. This is quite the wrong thing to say to an intelligent woman like your girlfriend, who found it insulting.
Avoid stuffing up your relationship by making controlling comments like that. Few things drive away a woman faster.
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George:
Fine!
Rita:
See, you said it again! When you’re in the middle of a conversation, it’s nice to know that you’ve been heard and the other person is interested. A sure sign that your girlfriend hasn’t been heard is your use of a dismissive answer.
You might think there’s nothing wrong with that, but when you say “fine” or “whatever,” she is liable to become irrationally angry. She will feel you are brushing her off.
Perhaps your girlfriend wanted to resolve a matter through conversation, you just sighed and said, “Whatever.” It will drive her nuts, and turn her to be a “mad girlfriend”. Finally, she could stand you no longer.
Try to engage in conversation by speaking your mind with several words—not just one.
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George:
I was angry too. She was wearing a sexy dress when she was going out with her girlfriends. I wasn’t with her, of course I wanted to know who she dressed up like this for?
Rita:
Women take a while to get ready, for good reason. Not only do they want to be presentable, but they also want to look unique.
So, asking your girlfriend condescendingly, “Is that what you’re wearing?” will likely enrage her. She’ll feel you are belittling her style and taste.
Of course, in some situations a question like this can be triggered by a certain insecurity in the male. You sound like to be possessive, noticed your woman wearing a slightly sexy, slim-fitting dress when she was going out with her girlfriends, sure I understand that you felt a little threatened, even jealous.
But when you questioned her choice, it did nothing for the harmony of your relationship. she might feel hurt that you appeared not to trust her. So to keep the peace, choose your battles wisely and give your girlfriend credit for her taste in clothes.
George:
Everybody would say the same thing in the same situation.
Rita:
Although you might see your girlfriend as high strung, it could just be the way she expresses herself. There is nothing worse than being told to “calm down” when you are simply trying to vent your feelings.
Don’t say this to your girlfriend unless you want to really anger her.
In the middle of an argument, if you tell your mad girlfriend to calm down, she will immediately do the opposite and become even more riled up, almost to the point of hysteria.
So guys, avoid saying this unless you want the opposite result. If your girlfriend simply wants to vent her feelings, you’re better off listening.
George:
“I’m nothing like anybody’s mother!” I was surprised to find out how huffy she became after I said it.
Rita:
OK, we all know how mothers are. They’re nagging, overprotective and nosy. That’s cliché. So when you tell your “mad girlfriend” she reminds you of your mother, it’s as if you’re suggesting she’s irritating, clingy and nosy.
Just as you wouldn’t want to be compared to her father, don’t even dream of comparing her to your mother. That is, unless you want your girlfriend to be incredibly angry at you for quite a while.
George:
Hold on, she said it to me too. Why did she get mad at me when I said the same thing to her? That’s not fair!
Rita:
To a woman, being called “crazy” is tantamount to being called irrelevant. In the first place, it’s incredibly disrespectful.
Secondly, she will be offended by the implication that her thoughts and feelings are not worth taking seriously. Say “You’re crazy” and you are sure to have a red-faced and mad girlfriend.
When you tell your girlfriend that she’s crazy, during a mild altercation, it puts a nail in the coffin of your relationship.
She might begin to lose confidence in herself and to doubt whether she should even stay in the relationship. In the end, she will leave you.
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George:
We had been dating for a few months when I happened to mention what an amazing housekeeper my mother was. She even ironed the sheets. And the pecan pie she used to make at Thanksgiving would have put Martha Stewart in the shade…
Rita:
Let’s face it, a girl can never compete with her guy’s mother. As he grows up, the flaws in his mother will recede into the background. No girl will ever measure up to Mom’s standards of housekeeping.
And if you even suggest a comparison she will likely feel resentful. If you wonder why you have a mad girlfriend, you should focus on her positive qualities and let the rest go now.
If your girlfriend is an okay cook, then stop harping on your mother’s brilliant cooking or saying that your Mom would never dream of buying jam—only home-made would do.
That will begin to irritate her, and you might end up finding yourself single once again.
George:
Why I can’t say no? I got human rights!
Rita:
When you say “no” to absolutely everything she suggests, she will begin to feel neglected and isolated. Every negation is conveying to her that her ideas are not worth your time.
Which implies that she isn’t worth your time either. So be sure to say a couple of “yeses” to balance out any “no” you may need to say in the future.
Your girlfriend will feel frustrated that you always said no to her ideas and rubbished her comments. She will be increasingly disheartened by your negativity and begin to see little future in their relationship.
Don’t be guilty of such thoughtlessness. Your “mad girlfriend” needs and deserves your affirmation.
Latest update
Since our heart-to-heart, George updated me that he has been working on his diplomacy. It doesn’t come naturally to him, but he’s just started dating a new woman who he feels is The One, and he’s determined not to blow it. We all need to feel encouraged.