We all want to look and feel the best that we possibly can. However, our ideas of ‘the best’ often differ. So, what happens if your partner has a body that is either unflattering or unhealthy?
With your partner and with yourself. If it’s for selfish reasons admit it. Using personal and collective pronouns can help ease your partner into not feeling attacked or shamed.
I feel like we’ve slowed down or we’re eating a lot of junk-food lately, aren’t we?
Body image, dieting and mental health can all influence how someone perceives and treats themselves. These are complicated and intersecting issues that manifest differently.
Are you feeling pressured or stressed lately?
03Know it’s not just their issue
If it’s important enough to bring up, it’s important enough for you to support. This doesn’t mean absorbing their problems as your own, though.
“I’m here with you, by your side, supporting you.” Or “This is for you, me, the kids, us, a better future.”
Your feelings are valid, but so are your partner’s. Ask what they want and how they feel about themselves, their body, lifestyle, diet, amount or lack of exercise and if they’re content.
Do you think our portions and amount of exercise are where they should be? Or can we do better?
05What your partner needs, not what you want
If it takes more than just eating healthier and exercising more, be ready. Also, there’s a fine line between friendly reminders and nagging. Nagging would be as bad as you harshly tell partner they are fat.
Should we make an accountability checklist?
06Make it inevitable
Don’t make it a matter of if, make it a matter of when. Reference the future as if the weight will have already been lost.
Swimming on spontaneous beach days is going to be fun! Everyone’s going to ask you to train them after your new body.
Especially if there are health concerns, being implicit won’t do, as it leaves room for miscommunication, and miscommunication leads to nowhere. Instead of a vague “they go for walks; why don’t we” just say
Let’s build up our cardio for better sex and to keep up with the kids.
Even if reasons are more selfish than selfless, putting your wants in terms of practical relationship needs can help convince your partner it’s in their best interest to lose weight.
Remember how fun college was, running around the tennis court without wheezing?
09Be helpful, stay positive
If your partner is struggling, don’t be accusative. That’s just as ineffective as you tactlessly tell partner they are fat.
Hey, I know it’s tough, but you’ve already added 5 minutes to your cardio time. You’ve come so far. I’m so proud of you.
10Make a joint effort
If they’re rethinking their lifestyle, you can improve too. Be open about things you need to work on. This kind of trade-off can feel less isolating.
So are you going to be my trainer now too? I could sure use some helpful tips on portion control.