After everything you’ve done to prove yourself, it hurts to know the relationship isn’t moving in the direction you’d like it to. When figuring out what to say when he won’t commit, it’s hard to put that hurt aside and not feel bitter or disappointed about the situation.
You can’t force a man to change, and you most certainly can’t force him to commit. All you can do when he won’t commit is decide if you’re willing to stick around without the guarantee of a relationship or leave.
This is all at your own risk. If you choose to stay when he won’t commit, the only person to blame will be yourself, so don’t be mad at him.
Never let a man tell you twice that he is not interested. If you think he’s still working on some things with himself, he should be able to communicate that with you so you know what to say.
With this in mind, let’s explore 34 examples of what to say when he won’t commit. We’ll also discuss some important things you should bear in mind when approaching the situation for the best possible outcome.
What to say when he won’t commit: 8 things to say to try to understand his perspective/the reasons why he won’t commit
The best route through this whole thing is understanding, whether it works out in your favor or not. You want to understand where he’s coming from, and why he isn’t ready to commit.
One decision can be to accept it for what it is and move on. The other is to work on the things holding him back, for example, trust issues, poor communication and lack of quality time.
Be very careful with this. You don’t want to make yourself into something you’re not.
This is all about compromise and meeting your partner where he is. We’d like to think relationships are 50/50, but sometimes it’s 30/70, 60/40, and even 90/10.
In any serious committed relationship, there may be times when all you can give is 10%. But don’t make this an excuse for him to consistently fail to be a good partner.
In understanding his perspective and the reasons why he won’t commit, beware of manipulation. You never want to be strung along or delusional about your situation.
With that said, here’s what to say when he won’t commit but you want to understand his perspective or reasons for coming to that conclusion:
4 things to say if he’s your boyfriend/partner
01“I’m trying my best to hear you out on this, but I need you to be more open and honest about why you still have your guard up. Is that possible?”
Use this when he is complaining about not being heard, or you not understanding. Be mindful of your tone, as this is meant to encourage him to open up to you.
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02“I can’t read your mind. You have to communicate with me in order for this to work.”
This is a firm statement you can make when he is refusing to explain his feelings, but is behaving as if you should know. This tells him to stop being immature and to work with you.
03“Let’s make a promise to be transparent with each other. That’s the only way a relationship can be successful. So, if you’re having any doubts or problems, bring them to the table.”
It is good to use this when the issue in the relationship is one or both of you hiding things from each other. This says you want a clean slate going forward.
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04“You mean the world to me, and I’m not going to let the fear and pains of the past ruin what we are building together. You’re safe with me.”
It is good to use this when bad relationships in his past are preventing him from having a good relationship with you. It lets him know you’re not like that, and this time will be different.
4 things to say if he’s your crush or your date
05“A lot of us are still holding onto emotional baggage from the relationships we’ve been in, and it takes a lot of work to overcome it. I know what it’s like, and I can help you through it if you just trust me.”
This acknowledges that he’s going through something a lot of people have to deal with, and you’re willing to be patient with him about it.
Photo by fizkes on Shutterstock
06“I can’t read you. You’re always so to the point, yet you run away when things get serious. I’d love to get to know you more if you’d let me.”
This lets him know that he’s bad at communicating with you. It says that his approach is the thing holding the relationship back.
07“I get that your last relationship was difficult, but I’m nothing like him. I’m the kind of guy that will give you his all so you can be happy. I just hope I get to keep showing you that.”
This lets him know that you deserve a fair shot because not everyone is a bad guy like his ex. It says you’re willing to work at proving that if you are given the opportunity to.
Photo by Marjan Apostolovic on shutterstock
08“Despite your reservations, I’m so happy you’re giving this a chance. I know something is holding you back, and I intend to prove to you that this is worth the sacrifice.”
This tells him to trust you, not his past, and let you show him how much he means to you, and what it means to be loved properly.
What to say when he won’t commit: 8 things to say when you want to try to find a way to work together
If he’s willing to work with you to find out if this relationship is worth it, that’s a great sign. It means he sees something in you and is taking it slowly until he can be sure it’s time to dive in.
This is a good thing, so don’t rush it. Work with him at a pace you’re both comfortable with and set up a tangible timeline to come up with an answer.
You don’t want to leave it up in the air because you don’t want to be one of those people who wastes years chasing a guy, only for him to back out. So, say by the next 3 months, you should have an answer for each other.
Here’s what to say when he won’t commit, but he’s willing to try to find a way to work together to achieve a satisfactory relationship:
4 things to say if he’s your boyfriend/partner
09“We make a pretty good team in everything else, so why are we stumbling with commitment? We should be past this by now. Maybe we just need to slow down and focus on the things that made us fall for each other in the first place.”
Use this when you get along well with him, but things are failing in the commitment category. It says that you’re willing to work on it if he is.
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10“I can’t imagine my world without you, so if you’re willing to work together to find a solution, count me in.”
This shows your commitment to him and lets him know how much he means to you. It says that you will always be willing if he shows interest.
11“You mean more to me than you know. Anything I can do to help our relationship, I’ll do. I just want us to be a team again.”
Use this to remind him about how much you love him, and how dedicated you are to making it work. It’s good because it says you are willing to ride or die for this relationship.
Photo by wavebreakmedia on shutterstock
12“I know I’m a little crazy, but I’m not delusional. I know the love is here, and if we just keep working on this, it can be something special.”
This says that there are strong, raw emotions between you two that need to be figured out. It is good to say because it shows that you know there’s a disconnect, but you have faith it will result in something great.
4 things to say if he’s your crush or your date
13“I have a good feeling about this, do you?”
It is good to use this when you just want to check to make sure he’s on the same page as you regarding working together at a better relationship.
14“We could take this to another level if we work together. Tell me you’re in.”
Use this when you think the relationship is prime for development, however, you can’t do it if he is not on the same page.
Photo by fizkes on shutterstock
15“I think this is more than just a little crush. This could be the makings of a strong relationship if we work together.”
It is good to use this when you have not been able to make it official because of the lack of commitment. This forces him to confront his feelings and make a decision.
16“If you promise not to give up on me, I won’t give up on you.”
Use this to show your commitment to him. It says that you will do what you need to do, as long as he plays a part, even a 10% part.
What to say when he won’t commit: 8 things to say if he says he’s not sure that he loves/likes you in the same way you love/like him
For women, it’s better to be in a relationship with a man who loves you more than you love him. We’d all like to think love is the same for everyone, but it isn’t.
Historically, when women dote on men who don’t share the same level of commitment, they tend to feel suffocated and act out on this premise. If he ever says he’s not sure he likes/loves you the same way you love/like him, take his word for it.
It will spare your heart a lot of pain later down the line. Many older men and women will tell you this.
Approach this situation with dignity. Never beg a man to love you back.
This is what to say when he won’t commit because he’s not sure if he loves/likes you in the same way you love/like him:
8 things to say if he’s your boyfriend/partner
17“I can’t keep giving second chances to someone who isn’t even sure he loves me. Put yourself in my shoes. It’s now or never.”
Maybe he will understand what he’s putting you through if he looks at it from your perspective. This is good to say because perhaps it will let him know that time’s running out.
Photo by cunaplus on shutterstock
18“That stings. I thought the point of being in a relationship was because you loved the person. Are you saying you don’t consider this a relationship, or are you still working through your feelings?”
It is tough to hear from a partner that he is unsure, and this response lets him know that your feelings are hurt by his indecisiveness. This is not meant to manipulate: instead, you are seeking clarity.
19“The only person that can be sure is you. I can’t make you sure. You need to make a decision.”
This is a firm response to let him know you’re not playing games anymore. It says that he needs to decide, or you’ll decide for him.
Photo by fizkes on Shutterstock
20“I’ve been sure about how I felt since the day you asked me to be your girlfriend. I thought we were on the same page. What is holding you back?”
Use this when his admission caught you off guard. It says that you are shocked, but still interested in figuring it out.
4 things to say if he’s your crush or your date
21“Things are still pretty new and there’s a lot that is still unclear to me as well. I’m sure of my feelings about you, and I’d like you to be sure about yours too. I think in time, we’ll both have a better answer.”
This is a good thing to say when you didn’t expect him to fall in love with you so soon, and you want to show you’re willing to be patient for the relationship to get to that point naturally.
22“I don’t expect you to fall madly in love with me right away. We’re still dating, and this time is all about getting to know each other better.”
Use this when you’re not surprised by his response. It says that you too are getting to know him so there can be a strong commitment.
Photo by Stockbusters on shutterstock
23“I want us to be as honest as possible with each other, and even though it hurt my feelings a little bit, I’m glad you were truthful with me. What do you think we can do about this?”
This is good to use because it puts the ball in his court. His response will let you know if he has the mindset to work on it, or tell you if it’s something he doesn’t take very seriously.
Photo by oneinchpunch on shutterstock
24“If you’re still not sure you want to commit, maybe we should stay friends for a while. There’s no pressure here.”
It is good to use this when enough time has passed for him to know if he’s willing to commit, and you aren’t going to press him about it. Instead, you’ll take a step back if needed.
What to say when he won’t commit: 5 things to say when he says he needs time to think
Choosing to enter a committed relationship is a big deal. It isn’t something you just jump into, no matter how cool you think the other person is.
So, if he wants time to think, give it to him. Don’t take offense to this, because you wouldn’t want to be in a ‘committed’ relationship with a man who is regretting his decision, or felt forced into it.
Give him about a week or two, but anything longer is stringing you along. These are some examples of what to say when he won’t commit unless he has time to think it through properly:
25“I’ll give you a few days to think about it, but it’s been years and I can’t wait any longer. Talk soon.”
This makes it clear that you’re not taking any nonsense or run-around this time. It’s now or never, and you don’t intend on taking your love life for a joke any longer.
Photo by Brian A Jackson on shutterstock
26“I’d think by now you’d know, but I guess an ultimatum is what you needed all along. Take time to think about it, but not too much, or else I’ll be gone.”
This is another firm approach to use with a guy who you’re not sure takes you seriously. It says you will give him time to think, but he’s not to keep you waiting.
27“If you have to weigh the pros and cons with me at this point in our “relationship”, maybe it’s best if we go our separate ways from now.”
Use this when you find his claim insulting because you’ve been together for a very long time. It says that you can no longer waste your time with someone who doesn’t see your worth or value in the relationship.
Photo by eldar nurkovic on shutterstock
28“I can only afford two weeks. I’ve been strung along for too long. Don’t waste any more of my time.”
It is good to use this when he asks for time to think but you’re exhausted at this point. It says you are at your breaking point and he should be mindful of that.
29“That’s fair. I have a lot to think about too. Let’s continue this conversation in a few days to see where our hearts and minds are.”
Use this when you have things to think about as well, such as if you believe in his ability to commit, or if you can put up with the indecisiveness any longer.
What to say when he won’t commit: 5 things to say after you gave him sufficient time to think it over and he still seems he won’t commit
If you gave him more than enough time to think about the situation, and there’s no change, take that as a sign he won’t commit. You have your life to live, and you can’t sit around waiting for a man to see your worth.
You’re beautiful and amazing, and any man would be lucky to have you, so if that man isn’t him, so be it. His loss.
Here are 5 examples of what to say when he won’t commit at all:
30“I’m not getting any younger, and neither are you. We’re too old to be playing at love when the reality is, there’s nothing between us.”
Use this when you’re at an age where you’re looking for someone to settle down with permanently. It says you have no time for the back and forth or children’s drama.
Photo by fizkes on shutterstock
31“I’ve given you more than enough time to decide what you want and your silence has said a lot. All the best in your search for love.”
It is good to use this when he still does not have an answer after you’ve given him time to think. It says you’re done with the relationship for good.
32“As much as I hate letting you go, if I don’t, I’d be depriving myself of something real and mature. I hope you find someone that suits your needs too.”
This is good to use because it acknowledges how hard the breakup will be for you, but staying in a relationship that is not secure will be even harder. It shows you’re not bitter, and genuinely hope things work out for him.
Photo by ViDI Studio on shutterstock
33“I’m saying goodbye because I need to be loved unconditionally, exclusively and fully. You can’t do that for me, and that’s alright.”
It is good to use this when he doesn’t want you to go or isn’t sure why you’re leaving. This isn’t to make him chase you down or anything, but rather, to give closure to the relationship.
34“We’ve been through a lot of ups and downs and, sadly, it has led us here. Maybe it was a stepping stone to what life has in store for us.”
It says that even though you’re sad this has come to an end, you know it will open other doors for both of you to find more suitable partners.
3 important points to keep in mind before confronting the man you like
Now that you know what to say when he won’t commit, it’s time to explore how you go about it. Before you confront him, bear these things in mind:
01Don’t prolong it
If you’ve been here before, asked the questions, and he still refuses to commit, save yourself the time, energy and embarrassment.
He isn’t going to recognize your worth, and even if he does a few years down the road, he doesn’t deserve you.
Remember, when thinking about what to say when he won’t commit, men can only do what you allow.
This doesn’t mean it’s your fault for the lack of commitment, it simply means that if they think they can get by doing the bare minimum, they will.
Photo by iQoncept on shutterstock
02Prepare for the worst
Love doesn’t always work out, and people aren’t obligated to love us back.
After all this, he may still be unable to commit to you. Take it like a champ, and go through the motions as they come.
They will come at you in waves, but eventually, they’ll subside. Occupy yourself with things you love, and practice self-love.
Don’t threaten him, or create any drama when talking to him after he says he won’t commit. It’s not worth it.
Photo by Ben White on unsplash
03Make sure your pride and dignity are intact
If he says he can’t or won’t, don’t beg him.
It will only make you look bad and make you feel worse about the situation. Respect his choices, and more importantly, respect yourself enough to act in a dignified manner.
Don’t go crazy on social media, or expose his secrets. This is a poor reflection of yourself, and it can even drive away potential suitors.
Don’t try to blackmail him emotionally into being with you either. That’s not a relationship where anyone would be happy.
Photo by Prostock-studio on shutterstock
Conclusion
Good luck with your relationship and finally realizing what to say when he won’t commit. If it doesn’t work out in your favor, so be it.
Life is short, and remember, there’s a lot more fish in the sea!
