There will come a point in every girl-parent’s life when their daughter will end up liking someone so much that you must meet them. Like you, many parents struggle with what to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time.
You don’t want to be too embarrassing when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time, but at the same time, you want to make sure he is a right fit for her. This might involve asking uncomfortable questions, especially if he is not forthcoming with information.
As much as you may want it to be an interrogation, your daughter would really appreciate you making a good effort to get to know him. More importantly, when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time, she’s looking to gain your stamp of approval.
Allow him to make a good impression by making a good impression yourself. Here’s what to say when you meet your daughter’s boyfriend:
What to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time: 3 ways to express your support and approval of him
Your daughter wants you to support their relationship and approve of her boyfriend more than anything. Imagine how happy your baby girl will be to see the two of you getting along.
Even if you may not be a person of many words, a simple sentence can change her perspective on the relationship. This is what to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time and you want to show your approval:
01“You seem like a great guy. I’m happy my angel has someone like you in her corner.”
Use this when it’s clear that her boyfriend supports her and wants the best for her. It can be said in general or when she has experienced specific hardship and was able to lean on him for support.
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02“I already had a good impression of you based on how she talks about you. You’ve just proven what I already know.”
This is good to use when you already knew some things about the guy and liked him, and now you have confirmation that he is as good as your daughter says.
03“I love how happy you make her. I’ve never seen her smile this much with a guy before, so keep on doing what you’re doing.”
Use this to encourage him to be a good lover all the time. It says he is doing a great job, and that’s all you can ask for.
09“What are your intentions with my daughter? She says you’ve been together for a while, but I’ve never met you. What took you so long?”
This question has a more serious tone, and gets straight to the point. Listen carefully to how he navigates tough questions.
10“What does a fun day look like for you?”
Use this to find out about his hobbies and what he does in his spare time. It will help you find common interests.
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11“Do you have any religious beliefs?”
Many families pride themselves on being religious, but it isn’t a deal breaker in all cases. Some people ask this to gauge moral compass, as while some may not belong to a religion per se, they have strong moral beliefs that they will make known when asked about spirituality.
However, be careful with this one. It could be a sensitive topic and be taken the wrong way. Therefore, it would be better if it’s asked in a way that shows genuine curiosity rather than you trying to determine if he is good enough for your daughter.
What to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time: 4 ways to give him compliments
Giving him compliments is a good way to get him to know you like him. It’ll help break the ice and make things less tense.
When you give a compliment, he will lighten up and be more of himself. This is what to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time and you want to compliment him:
12“Young man/lady, you have a great sense of style. You’ve already scored major points with me!”
Use this when you love fashion and dressing up. It says that you like seeing men/women that are well put together.
13“How do you get your hair like that? I could learn a few things from you.”
This is a great way to bond with a younger person, and you can use the opportunity to trade wisdom and get to know each other better.
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14“You’re very well-spoken. Which university did you go to?”
Use this when the guy can keep up with an intellectual conversation. It doesn’t necessarily matter if he went to university, but this is a common question to ask. He could have picked this up by watching a parent or grandparent, reading a lot of books or getting involved in elite social circles.
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15“I’ve been watching you from the moment she got out of the car. You’re quite the gentleman.”
This says you notice how well he takes care of your daughter. You can also use it to let him know you have your eyes on him.
What to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time: 4 best things to say when he is not comfortable with sharing his family, school or job information
Everyone gets a bit insecure, especially when expected to share something impressive about themselves to make a mark. The truth is, we’re all impressive in our own ways, and that doesn’t depend solely on who your family is, where you went to school or some top job.
It’s about who you are inside. Making him feel comfortable is important in getting him to open up to you and be honest.
Here’s what to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time when it’s clear he is feeling nervous:
16“All I care about is my daughter finding a good honest man. At your age, I barely had a dollar to my name, but my ambition kept me going.”
This is a very powerful statement to make to a guy who’s just finding his place in this world. It can be especially nerve-wracking when he is from a poor socioeconomic background and is entering an upper-echelon family.
This lets him know that there’s nothing to be ashamed about because everyone must start somewhere. It also encourages him and lets him know that you are beyond material things, and instead value who he is as an individual.
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17“We all have family drama, some more serious than others. The only thing I care about is how you treat my daughter.”
Use this when he is hesitant to talk about his family because they don’t get along. It says you don’t care about that.
18“It’s a shame you don’t have family around, but as long as you’re with my daughter, you’re welcome here any time.”
This is good to use when he no longer has family due to sickness, distance, relationship breakdown or adoption. It says that you will welcome him into your family.
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19“I always encourage younger people to be open to opportunities and explore before they commit. You’re still young, and you have tons of time to find a career that suits you.”
This is good to use when you can sense he is insecure about not having everything figured out. It says that it’s better to gauge your options instead of jumping into something that doesn’t make you happy.
What to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time: 4 of the best things to say to end the meeting
By the time you’ve finished talking and getting to know each other, the anxiety may come back. This may be because it wasn’t clear if you liked him or not.
It’s great to end the meeting on a good note to keep the positivity going and to make sure your daughter leaves happy. This is what to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time and you want to end the meeting positively:
20“It was a pleasure to meet you. Keep on doing what you’re doing.”
This can refer to anything, whether it’s being a good lover to your daughter, chasing career goals, finishing university or simply being a good guy.
21“You have my blessing. Now go and grow in love.”
Use this to make it clear that you approve of their relationship.
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22“I love what I see before me. It reminds me of [insert name of partner] and me when we were younger. I’m rooting for you.”
Comparing your daughter’s relationship to that of yours makes it clear that you saw something great in the relationship. It says you see them being together for a long time, and being happy and in love.
23“Now that we’ve finally met, I hope we don’t have to wait too long until the next meeting!”
Use this when it took a while to finally meet the lover. It says you look forward to meeting again, hopefully soon.
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Finally, keep these tips in mind and you’ll be able to make a great impression
Even though this is mainly about the lover making a good impression, you have a duty to be on your best behavior for your daughter. You don’t want to come off as overbearing and scare the poor guy away!
While you decide what to say when meeting your daughter’s boyfriend for the first time, bear these tips in mind:
01If he is being private, don’t push too much. You never know why people aren’t comfortable with being open about certain topics. The goal isn’t to pry too much into private matters. You just need to know about who he is now, and who he plans to be. Respect his boundaries.
02Encourage them to be open and honest with each other, and share the ingredients of a happy, healthy relationship. This can help the young couple in the future, especially when dealing with problems of their own.
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03Don’t make negative comments about him. Ask your questions, and your daughter will make her own decisions if she doesn’t like something he said.
04Don’t try to control the relationship. This is not about you.
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05Never compare him to any of her exes. More importantly, never compare him to her brothers or any other family member. This is plain weird and can make the situation awkward.
06Give praises where appropriate. This will show them both that you approve of the relationship.
07Don’t ask about intimate details in the relationship, nor bring up cheating. That is none of your business.
Gone are the days when dads are expected to be mean to boyfriends and threaten them with a shotgun. Moms no longer need to turn up their noses and interrogate him.
To promote healthy dating and relationship habits, you need to approach it from an angle of understanding and not judgment. You need to be kind and patient, and let things run their course.
The only time you should intervene is when there are clear signs of abuse. If there aren’t, leave them be.
Young love is the best type of love. Everyone should be able to embrace and accept the good, the bad and the ugly to find who they want to be in a relationship, and what their needs are.