It’s not uncommon to meet a girl and not hit it off with her. After a couple of dates, you may find that the two of you are not compatible; or your friend who you have been friends with forever admits to having a crush on you and the feeling is not mutual.
Regardless of the circumstances, it is never easy to tell a girl you don’t like her. You might worry that your rejection of her is going to come across as cruel, leaving you feeling or seeming like a bad person.
But remember, getting into or staying in a relationship with someone when you don’t like them, just so you don’t hurt them is also unfair. So, now you must figure out how to reject a girl in the nicest way possible.
You need to follow your instincts on how to reject a girl in your situation. You know yourself best, and you have enough understanding of how to interact with this girl.
If you know that your rejection of her in person is going to be a disaster for you and embarrassing for her, think about writing a note. Writing a note is a good idea since it gives you the opportunity to say everything that needs to be said and allows her the time and space to process it.
If you’re doing it in person and you get flustered, you might forget something. That is ok, because, notes, emails, and texts are quite impersonal and might ruin your chances of coming across as sincere.
As a rule, it’s better to gather up your courage and tell her in person, even though it may be awkward and hard.
When you are making the decision on how to reject a girl in the least hurtful way possible, consider when and where you have this conversation. A busy restaurant is not a good idea because it affords no privacy and may be noisy.
You want to tell the girl you don’t like her, but you don’t want to humiliate her in public. If you feel she might cry, come up with a more private setting but keep it neutral not romantic. No girl likes being stared at by strangers when she’s upset and crying.
When it comes to timing, another point to consider is not delaying the rejection. The longer you allow the ‘relationship’ to continue in her mind, the more you’re going to hurt her when you reject her.
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When you’ve chosen your means, venue and time for your rejection, you can now focus on what you want to say and how you’re going to say it. Be honest and direct in your explanation to her, but don’t insult or humiliate her. This is completely unnecessary.
Don’t criticize her appearance or her intelligence. Don’t tell her you don’t want to be with her because you’ve met someone hotter.
Don’t feel the need to be a little mean to get your point across. Stooping to personal insults is immature. You wouldn’t like being kicked while you’re down, so don’t do it to her.
In thinking of how to reject a girl, be direct in your reasoning. Keep your statements short and don’t go into detailed explanations. You could go with something as simple as,
“I feel flattered that you like me that way, but I don’t share your feelings. And I want to tell you that out of respect for you. I like you as a friend. I hope you’ll be okay with that.”
The most important part of this conversation is making sure that you leave no doubt in her mind that you do not want to be with her. Otherwise, you’ll give her false hope and the belief that the relationship is not over.
So, do not say things like, “the timing is not right at the moment.” It implies that there is a possibility the timing may be right later on. “I need time to get over my previous relationship” implies that when you do, you’ll want a relationship with her.
If you feel like avoiding being completely honest will work, you’re wrong. Letting her down easy will not pay off in the long run, all it will do is prolong the agony, and she’ll have to experience another rejection from you which will double any hurt you’re causing now.
Rip the Band-Aid off and make a clean break. Don’t leave her with any illusions about a future relationship. Leaving her on tenterhooks over that will mean nothing but trouble.
After you’ve told her how you are feeling, it is natural for the girl to feel hurt. Have the courtesy to give her space to say how she feels about it but don’t let it spiral into her hurling insults at you.
Tell her,
“I have told you how I feel. I can only ask you to respect my feelings.”
Don’t let her tears and pain guilt trip you into reversing your decision. You decided how to reject a girl, so stick with your plan and don’t be deterred. Remember, it may hurt her now, but it will hurt her more if you delay it.
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You and your friends may have discussed how to reject a girl in the past. And these discussions may have guided you when you made the choices you did in this situation.
But don’t have specific discussions on how to reject this specific girl. One slip of the tongue and everyone around her might know before she does.
You might feel pretty guilty once the deed is done. That’s when it’s time to approach your family and friends. You approach them to share your feelings and let them assure you that you’ve done the right thing in the right way.