Being pregnant is a pretty big deal, especially when your pregnancy is unplanned. It means you will bring a baby into this world with no clear plan, and you’ll have to figure out a way to tell him that you’re pregnant unplanned.
Being pregnant unplanned isn’t the worst thing in the world, especially when you’re in a loving relationship. This is because many people walking around today were unplanned pregnancies themselves. However, if things aren’t so great with your partner, then you may have a problem.
If you want to figure out how to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned, then you’ll have to keep reading this article. Here, we’ll tell you what to pay attention to before telling him about this situation.
You can explore 10 different ways in this article regarding how to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned. We provide you with three different scenarios.
Let’s start with what needs your attention:
How to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned: things to consider
Before you consider how exactly you plan to tell your boyfriend, husband, or friend-with-benefits that you’re pregnant, there are some things you must consider.
These things will help you figure out what you want to do about the unplanned pregnancy, if it will be a good idea to go ahead with it, and so much more. Here are a few points to consider:
01Proof of pregnancy
Every woman has had a pregnancy scare at least once in her life, and it isn’t uncommon. Therefore, if you plan to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant, you will need to make sure that you are 100% sure.
Sometimes, store-bought pregnancy tests can give false positives. For this reason, you want to be sure to visit your gynaecologist for a proper test.
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02The nature of your relationship
If the guy isn’t a long-term boyfriend or isn’t your husband, there’s always the possibility that he will not want to be involved with the pregnancy.
If you’ve hit a rough patch with a long-time partner, the last thing your relationship may need is the stress and responsibility that comes with having a child.
A baby deserves to have a healthy, happy home to grow up in. If you are sure that you will be able to provide such an environment for your baby, then, by all means, go ahead.
Kids are expensive. From the moment they are conceived to the day they get a job and move out, you and your partner will be the ones with the financial burden of caring for them.
If you are already heavily in debt, you may want to reconsider having a child right away. This is because you’ll likely drown in hospital bills before the baby is even born.
However, if you and your partner have a good amount of rainy-day savings, stable jobs, and low debt, then you should be able to care for the baby in a way that he/she deserves.
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04Age and maturity
If you get pregnant at a young age, you may not be mature enough to handle the responsibilities of being a parent.
Are you finished with school yet? Do you have your own place? Do you have a job?
These are very important things that you have to consider before having a baby.
A huge part of being a parent is being mentally prepared to handle all of the challenges that will come your way. If you depend on your parents for everything, then you might not be mature enough yet to have a baby.
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05Decide what you want to do
The decision to bring a child into the world is mainly yours because you are the vessel. Before you speak to anyone about it, you should have a conversation with yourself.
Am I ready to be a mother? What if I have to do it alone?
These are questions that you should ask yourself before talking to anyone about your unplanned pregnancy.
06Plan what to say
Before you tell him that you’re pregnant unplanned, you will need to plan what to say and how you will announce it to him. You can practice this in a mirror or with a friend. This kind of news is very heavy, and you will need to be clear and direct if you want to get a good response.
There may never be a “right” time, but this is some pretty big news. For this reason, you will have to wait for the best possible moment to break the news to your partner.
To determine the best possible moment, you’ll have to rule out the worst moments.
The worst moments are during or after a fight, when emotions are high, and you both may say things that you don’t mean. It can also be when you or your partner are stressed out about something like work or school.
Your partner may not be thinking straight after the loss of a job, the death of a family member, or after some type of accident.
You should avoid telling him when he’s in a rush to get somewhere, like a meeting or an appointment. You will want to avoid telling him when he doesn’t really have time to talk because the effect of news like this could have a negative impact on him at that moment.
For instance, it could be before a big presentation at work, when he’s already nervous and stressed out.
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08Give him time
This type of news is a lot for anyone to process, so you will need to give him time to come to terms with it. You need to hear him out and try to answer his questions as best as possible, without getting angry or annoyed.
If his response is negative, you should give him time to cool off while avoiding the addition of any fuel to the fire. Some time to think will allow you both to think logically and figure out your next possible steps.
When you are not sure if you want to keep the baby
When you don’t plan to become pregnant, it can be hard to decide if you want to keep the baby or not.
There may be some things that you wanted to put in place before having a child such as getting your degree or starting a business that may have to get put on hold, but at the same time you’re not getting any younger, you love kids and you’re tired of being asked by your older relatives about their grandchild.
In a case like this, you’ll need to decide with your partner and weigh the pros and cons to determine if you are ready to bring a baby into this word.
Here are four ways how to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned when you are not sure if you want to keep the baby:
01The “We need to talk”
Men dread hearing those four words, “we need to talk,” but it is necessary for any situation that asks for clear, open, and honest communication. This is one particular instance in which you need to sit down with him, lay it all out, and weigh out your options thereafter.
It gives both of you a chance to speak your mind, voice your concerns, and maybe even put pencil to paper to see if you’re at the right place in your life financially to take on such a responsibility.
Here’s one way that you can initiate the conversation:
You: “We need to talk.”
Him: “Okay, what do we need to talk about?”
Next, you can invite him to have a seat; you can maybe ask him about his day and make small talk until you have warmed up to the question.
You: “I’m pregnant, and I’m not sure if we’re ready for this.”
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02Ask him theoretically
You have to be careful with whom you choose to have a child because not everyone is cut out for parenthood. Not to mention, not every person is in the right headspace to deal with a baby right now.
If you can’t guarantee that your partner is ready, then it’s likely that you won’t be sure if you want to keep the baby.
If you can’t do the “we need to talk” part, and you can’t bring yourself to tell him that you’re pregnant (which you’ll need to do eventually), you can talk to him about a theoretical pregnancy with him to get an idea of what his headspace is like right now.
This is a very good idea when you don’t know where you stand in the relationship. For instance, if the relationship has started to go sour, a theoretical conversation would be best.
It will give you an indication of if he ever saw you in that way (in the case of a boyfriend) and if he would respond positively to such news.
You’ll have to do it at a time at which he won’t become suspicious, like when you’re watching a movie and a cute baby scene comes up, when passing the baby aisle in the supermarket, or if you see a baby when you’re out in public.
You can choose to do it teasingly like, “I’d pay to see you change some diapers” or “I wonder what kind of dad you’d be.” You can test out these sayings to see how he responds.
Based on his response, you can determine whether to go ahead with the pregnancy or not. If it is negative, then you can decide to abort the pregnancy.
However, if it is positive, then you can go ahead and say something like, “Well that’s great because you’ll be a father in a couple of months.”
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03Leave clues around the house
If you aren’t sure that you want to become a mother, and you don’t know if your partner would want a baby yet, you can leave little clues around the house to see how he might react to them.
In a case like this, your clues should be subtle. You can do things like leaving little mommy shows playing on TV, leaving parenting or maternity magazines on the coffee table, or leaving your browsing history for Amazon open on his laptop that shows you are looking at car seats or baby clothes.
If you don’t want to tell him yourself, but you want him to figure it out, then your clues can be more in his face.
For example, if he’s going to do some grocery shopping, you can tell him that you won’t need any pads or tampons for a while. If you’ve done a pregnancy test, you can make the stick obvious in the bin, and you can leave the box on the bathroom counter.
When he asks you about it, in either instance, the way he asks will give you an idea of if he’s ready to have a baby with you. This will initiate a conversation that will help you to confirm if you want this baby or not.
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Ways how to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned when you want to keep the baby
If you’re sure that you want to keep the baby, then the way you tell him should clearly say so. It should be more of a surprise than anything else, and you should show that you are happy about it.
Here are three ways on how to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned when you want to keep the baby:
You can do this with the store-bought pregnancy test, if you’re okay with carrying around a pee stick. However, the best way to do it is with a pregnancy test from your doctor.
You can give him the results in an envelope and tell him that you got it in the mail for him. You can also hand it to him as it is without saying anything about it.
If he doesn’t understand what it means, you can go ahead and explain that you went to the doctor because you suspected that you were pregnant, and your suspicions have been confirmed.
This is a good way to do it because you have solid proof that you are pregnant, and you have been advised by your doctor about your next steps. It is now up to him to decide how he feels about this news.
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You can surprise your boyfriend or husband with your unplanned pregnancy by getting him a T-shirt with the word “dad” on it.
This can be used when he has already shown interest in having a child with you, but you guys didn’t really put anything in place or make a concrete plan.
There are a ton of these types of T-shirts available on Amazon or Wish, so you won’t have trouble finding one that can help you announce your unplanned pregnancy to your boyfriend or husband.
When you buy it, you can put his name on the package so that he’ll be the one to open it. When he opens it, he’ll be confused at first, and he might even think that it got delivered to the wrong house.
That’s when you can tell him that the gift is for him, or you can wait for him to read the gift card if you had that option.
Here are some cool gift card messages that you can use to surprise your partner:
When you’re absolutely certain that he wants to be a dad:
“It’s official! You’re going to be a daddy. Congratulations!”
When you’re not entirely sure if he’s ready right now, but you are excited and want to make it a big deal:
“Wear this T-shirt if you’re ready to be a dad!”
“Let’s start a family. We’re ready if you are!”
“Good things come in small packages!”
This is a good idea because he can keep the T-shirt as a reminder of his first child, or you can post a picture of him with the T-shirt to announce your pregnancy to the world through social media.
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You can throw your partner a baby-themed dinner to celebrate the good news that you’re about to tell him. This way, you can be sure he wants to have kids before the dinner party.
On the menu, you can include things like baby corn, baby-back ribs, baby carrots, baby turnips, and any miniature-sized food with baby in the name.
You can put some actual buns in the oven, or you can do a baby-themed cake in blue and pink, with the words “I’m pregnant” on the top.
If you aren’t much of a baker, you can write the words “I’m pregnant” on a plate. You can do it with some non-toxic markers, then you can heat the plate in the oven for 15 minutes at 350°F/176°C. This way, it won’t rub off.
Next, you can place his food on it before calling him down for dinner. When he’s done eating and sees the message, you can yell, “SURPRISE!” You can do this if you’re sure that he’s ready for a baby, but if you’re aren’t sure, then you can simply wait for his reaction in hopes of it being positive.
If it’s a case in which you aren’t sure that he wants a baby, then you can skip the frills and keep the dinner on the simple side.
This is a great way to announce your unplanned pregnancy to your partner because everyone loves getting good news when they have a full tummy.
It will also put both of you in a relaxed state of mind to discuss the possibility of not keeping the baby, especially if he’s not ready to be a dad.
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Another way to break the news to him is by getting some baby stuff in your groceries. This can include pampers, baby wipes, baby food, and so on.
Then, you can tell him that you’re too tired to unpack the groceries, and you can ask him to do it for you. He’ll be a bit confused when he’s unpacking pampers, and he will likely ask about it. When he does, you can choose to break the news to him at that moment.
For example, if he asks who this material is for, you can say something like:
“For our baby, duh!”
“Oh, I didn’t tell you? I’m pregnant!”
“I thought you would’ve figured it out by now Mr. Know-it-all. I’m 8 weeks pregnant!”
“Well, we will need to prepare the house for when the baby comes.”
“The doctor said I’m pregnant, and if we’re going to keep the baby, it’s only right that I get started on the shopping.”
“I’m having our baby, (insert name).”
“The baby in my stomach!”
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Ways to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned when you do not want to keep the baby
At the end of the day, the decision to keep a baby is up to you. It’s your body, and you will determine if you want to endure a pregnancy or not.
Here are three ways that you can use to tell him that you’re pregnant unplanned when you do not want to keep the baby:
01Tell him straight up
When you find out that you’re pregnant, you can break the news to him and inform him that you wish to abort the pregnancy. If he agrees, then things will go smoothly thereafter.
“I found out that I was pregnant last Thursday. After thinking about it for a few days, I’ve decided that I’m not ready to be a parent, and neither are you. For this reason, I’m going to have an abortion.”
If he has questions about it, you can answer them if you’re willing to do it. However, you need to be firm and let him know that there’s no convincing you because you’ve already made your decision.
Sometimes, this can lead to a breakup or divorce. However, if your partner cannot accept your decision, or if he’s willing to threaten to leave over an unwanted pregnancy, then the relationship was not worth staying in.
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02Women’s clinic brochures
If you’re going to get an abortion, you should keep yourself and your partner informed about the risks involved. You should both know what will happen during and after the procedure.
You can get some brochures from the clinic, and you can choose to speak to a professional about it. Then, you can present your partner with the information, let him know what you are about to do, and explain why you’re doing it (if you think it is necessary).
This is a good idea because he can get himself involved in the process if he wants to support you. If he doesn’t, you’ll be fine either way because you’ll be putting yourself in the hands of professionals.
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You can tell him in a text if you don’t feel like this type of thing should be up for discussion, and the one who got you pregnant isn’t a long-term partner or someone who you think would make a good father.
You don’t have to beat around the bush with this information. You can be straightforward and let him know what is about to happen. Here’s how you can do it:
“Turns out I’m pregnant, but don’t worry because I’m taking care of it. I am not ready to have a child now, so I’m getting an abortion.”
This is good because you won’t have to deal with his reaction, and you can get on with your life after the abortion.
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An unplanned pregnancy isn’t the end of the world. Now that you know how to tell him you’re pregnant unplanned, you can figure what you want to do much faster. You can also get on with your life, with or without a baby.