When a man asks you for money, your response depends on the type of relationship you have. You’ll always want to help your lover or boyfriend in any way you can, but what if it’s someone you just started dating?
This is where things can get a little complicated. You’re just getting to know him, and this could make things awkward.
You should also be thinking about your ability to lend, and if this request would put you in a tough spot. Can you afford to lose this money forever if things don’t work out or if he decides to not repay it and ghost you?
You need to be smart when a man asks you for money, and think with your head, not your heart. Here are some things you’ll want to consider when a man asks you for money, and some responses you can use:
Things to consider/do before deciding whether you want to help him or not:
Lending someone money is a big deal. You worked hard for it and should be able to spend it on the things that matter to you.
When someone asks to borrow money, it’s usually because they are in a tough spot. As much as you’d like to help, it may not be possible.
In other instances, the person may have terrible money management skills. You don’t want to risk your hard-earned money on someone who doesn’t understand the value of money.
When a man asks you for money, these are the things you should consider:
What type of relationship do you share with this man? Is he someone close like a friend or a lover?
You’ll be more inclined to lend money to a friend, lover or family member than to someone you barely know. The better your relationship with the person is, the more likely you’ll be to get back your money.
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02Amount of money and what it will be used for
There’s a saying that goes something like “Don’t lend money you can’t afford to lose”, meaning lend with the expectation of never getting it back. Think about the amount of money he asked for.
If it’s a small sum, then you can afford to not get it back; however, you want to take extra precautions with large sums of money. You’ll also want to know what your money will be used for.
If it’s something important like groceries or medicine, then sure, but if it’s something silly like a vacation or gambling, you may want to say no.
03Ability to repay
Is he employed or able to pay you back? Why would you lend money to someone with no prospects?
Sure, he can fall on hard times and lose his job, but is he trying to find new work, or just being lazy and expecting handouts? Can you wait an extended period to get back your money?
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04When you have to say no
Be prepared for a negative reaction, even if you know the person well. Some people feel entitled to our money and expect a yes automatically.
Be gentle in your approach so you don’t aggravate the situation. It might be a good idea to explain why you are saying no so the person doesn’t feel let down.
Ask other friends and family members what they think about lending this person money. Has he asked them for money and repaid it, or is he delinquent?
What do they think about his ability to repay you? Do they think he’s using you?
Once you can answer these questions, decide whether you’re going to say yes or no when he asks. Then, check out these examples of what to say when a man asks you for money:
What to say when a man asks you for money: 4 best ways to ask why he needs the money/what he plans to use it for
You have every right to know what your money will be used for when you lend it to him. When it’s a good cause, you’ll feel a lot better about handing the money over.
If you don’t think it’s for a good use, that should influence you to say no. Here’s what to say when a man asks you for money and you want to ask what he needs it for:
01“That’s a large sum of money. What do you need all that cash for on such short notice?”
Use this when a guy asks you for what you consider to be a large amount of money on short notice. If he can give a reasonable response, you’ll be more inclined to lend.
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02“I’ll always try to help in a bind, but first I have to know what this money is for. It has to be something important otherwise I’ll be doing myself a disservice.”
This lets him know you can only lend him the money for a serious reason because you aren’t swimming in money.
03“Are you in trouble? This is not like lending someone $50. That’s a huge sum.”
Use this to express your surprise at the amount of money he asked to borrow. This is your way of checking if the guy you care about has gotten himself in trouble and if he’s okay.
04“I want to lend you this money but I need to know it will be put to good use. Can you convince me this isn’t one of your latest grand ideas?”
This is good to use when this guy is always asking for some money to do things that lead nowhere. It says you can no longer support his foolishness.
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What to say when a man asks you for money: 3 ways of being honest with him that you don’t have a lot of money to spare
As much as you may want to help him sometimes, you may not be able to because of your responsibilities and obligations. Letting him know this is the reason you’re saying no will show that you’re not just being stingy.
This is what to say when a man asks you for money but you don’t have a lot of money to spare.
05“I wish I could help you but my bills are suffocating me right now. You know if I could help I would, but this is just a terrible time.”
Use this when you’re behind on bills or have a large loan to repay. This means there’s no money to go around.
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06“No can do. I’m helping my sister out because she lost her job, and that’s taking a huge chunk out of my paycheck.”
Customize this for whatever reason you can’t lend money at this moment. It can be for something important like paying medical bills, helping with someone’s kids or taking care of a sick relative.
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07“Things are very tight for me right now, and I can barely help myself, much less you. I hope you can find someone else to help you out.”
This is good to say when you’re in dire need of money yourself and can’t afford to help him. It says you wish you could help, but your circumstances are preventing you from doing so.
3 ideas for when you are not comfortable with the idea of borrowing/lending money
If you’re not comfortable with lending someone money, you shouldn’t feel forced to, nor should someone be willing to receive money that was lent with a heavy heart. This is what to say when a man asks you for money but you don’t like the idea of lending/borrowing money:
08“I’ve had some bad experiences with lending people money, and I can’t put myself through that again. I hope you understand.”
This is a good way to explain that past experiences have completely turned you off from lending money.
09“I lent my friend $3000 over a year ago and he completely ghosted me. I’m not comfortable with lending anyone large sums of money anymore.”
It is good to use this because it cites a specific example of you being a friend and being betrayed. It says the trauma of that taught you a valuable lesson.
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10“Mixing friends and business is a bad idea. I don’t want this money to come between us, so I’ll have to say no.”
This says you want to preserve your friendship because you value it. It says you won’t lend money because that could compromise it.
What to say when a man asks you for money: 5 ways to turn him down when he suggests you offer him the money in installments instead of the lump sum
When people are desperate, they’ll try to come up with different ideas to make lending them money sound more attractive. Offering to lend money in installments rather than a lump sum or borrowing in that way is one such idea.
This is what to say when a man asks you for money in installments and you want to turn him down:
11“You already owe me [the amount], and you still haven’t been able to pay that back. Helping you put me in a hole and if I give you any more, I’d be buried in debt.”
This is good to say when the guy is trying to pay in installments, but still hasn’t repaid a previous balance. It says lending him more money simply doesn’t make sense.
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12“Why don’t you try to get a quick payday loan? I know somewhere that can approve you in a few hours with low-interest rates.”
This is a good way to say no because you are offering an alternative, and you can point him in the direction of someone you know will help.
13“This is not a good time for me financially. Maybe you could do something to raise money like have a yard sale or start a GoFundMe.”
This says you won’t lend him money because you’re broke yourself. It says he should try fundraising as a way to get money from other people around him instead of borrowing a large sum that he cannot repay.
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14“That doesn’t make sense to me considering where I’m at in my life right now. I have bills to pay and I can’t afford to take this risk.”
It is good to use this because it says your life right now is filled with expenses that make it difficult to divert your funds elsewhere.
15“I love you a lot and I wish I could help you, but I can’t just up and take out $10,000 to give you, especially when you know I’m saving for a down payment on a house!”
This is good to say because you’re letting him know the money you have is for a set purpose and will not be used for anything else.
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5 responses if he loses his temper / emotionally blackmails you when you refuse to lend him money
Money makes people do crazy things, especially when they are desperate for it. You can’t control the way people respond, but you can control the way you react to them.
If you care about this guy, you should be kind, yet firm in your response. Here’s what to say when a man asks you for money, you say no, and he starts to get mad or tries to manipulate you:
16“You know I would help you if I could! I can’t believe you’re acting this way towards me, especially since I’ve always had your back.”
This lets him know that the way he’s acting hurts your feelings. It says your reasons for saying no are genuine and you would lend him the money if you were able to.
17“This is my money, not yours, and I decide what happens with it. I’m not going to lend you money to waste on your habit, knowing you have no way to pay me back.”
This is a firm response you can use when you know the person is bad at money or wastes it on something like gambling or drinking.
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18“You’re scaring me. I know you need the money, but this isn’t the answer.”
This is a good way to de-escalate the situation and let him know he’s being intense. It says you understand, but there’s nothing you can do.
19“I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but my answer is no. We’ve been here already, and I’m not willing to go through that again.”
Use this when he keeps asking for money and trying to make you feel bad. This will tell him to stop asking.
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20“I’m not going to argue with you over my money. This is silly. If we are real friends, you wouldn’t be behaving like this.”
This lets him know that he’s acting like you’ve never been there for him ever and that you feel disrespected as a friend.